Retraction

Ok, I know I am not that busy. For example, one of my friends, let's call her Ann, is really busy. And rightly so as she lives and breathes one of her passions and gets paid for it. My mom, is also a very busy person, with running a household, a bank branch and a teenage son. She used to be really busy when she was running a household, a bank branch and one teenage daughter and two budding teenagers, all of whom were in sports and one in drama. That was a busy time.
I am sure George W. is busy. Golfing, ranching, making speeches (*supressed laugh here) at fundraisers, etc.

So, comparitively speaking, I am not that busy. It's just I like to hang out with good friends, eat dinner with them. I like to hang out with husband. I like to workout in the morning and not feel rushed during it. But I cannot do these things with my schedule lately. I work almost every night and by the time I get home and unwind, it's 1130 or 1200. I plan on getting up in the morning when Chris does (500AM) because I would like to eat breakfast with him, get ready to workout, etc. But now, when the alarm goes off, I snarl like a wounded beast and pull the covers over my head so the light doesn't disturb my puffy eyes.

And for me, who is still battling that seductive voice in my head that tells me to just stay in bed, not having a set schedule so I can see loved ones, do housework and work out, is hard.

Here is what that damned voice was telling me this morning:
"I have so much to do today. I should not go to class, get the car washed and detailed, drop off the loan paperwork, shower!, workout, go to appointments, etc...I am sure there will be nothing important happenening in class today. Why don't you..."

That was about the time I told the voice to go to hell.

This is what De and I have been working on. The voice had gotten to be so good and so stealthy that I couldn't even distinguish it from rational thought. To me, it was the rational thought in my head. Unfortunately, when things got to be bad because of it, Miss Anxiety voice would also join in the chorus.

So, now I can single Miss Seducing Voice out and tell her to sit down and shut the hell up. And it is liberating. Because now Miss Seducing Voice doesn't invite her highly nervous friend, Miss Anxiety Voice, over for tea to really grate on my nerves. So, I have been doing better in my job, I have more confidence. I also have more confidence in class and it is easier to speak to people I don't know. It's helping me feel confident overall. And I like it.

You know how I was able to single these two hags out? By taking a friend's anxiety medication. Yes, yes I know. I know! Never take someone else's meds. But I was going to be on a plane for 3 hours. I made it during take off, but then the hags started screaming at me "What if we die!?"
"What was that bump?!"
"Do you see smoke? I knew we should have stayed at home!"
"Oi vey! We are slowing down!! We are slowing down!! Does this mean the pilot is having trouble with the plane? Would he/she tell us? What if we are making an emergency landing...

On and on it went.

Then I realized, I would have to make it through the descent.

And I popped the little yellow pill into my mouth.

First, a cold sensation went through my body, especially my hands. I realized it was because I was sweating and gripping the chair so hard and the cold sensation was actually my body returning to normal temperatures. Whew!

Then I heard this:






Silence.


It was heavenly.

Take that you hags. I caught you and now am stringing you up by the toes. Not only am I going to class today, but I am going to study too. I am also going to workout, I don't have to do it in the mornings.

On another note: hearing people sneeze really annoys me. I don't know why.

Why do I always feel busy?

Seriously, I feel like I have no time. I go from work, to school (and I am only taking one class!), to cleaning, to making dinner and the cycle beings all over again. Sometimes I can squeeze in a workout, sometimes I can hang out with friends. Sometimes I even get to hang out with my husband. I need one more day where the requirement is to not plan anything. A day of rest, no cleaning. No work. Nothing. Just reading, taking a walk with my husband and dog.

Sigh.

Isn't that what we all wish?

Is this what it feels like to be a grown up because I don't know if I like it very much.

This weekend we might be getting a new car. I add might just in case something happens now that I have typed it. Geez, paranoid much?

Okay, I must go. Here is my plan for today: class (check)
home to make lunch and dinner
workout
work from 3-1030ish
study at Epoch from 11 to 100

Great. Going at this rate, I won't actually get to see my husband until Thursday.

Wish me luck, next week I have a test,
Michelle

Humph.

I had a nightmare. I was a witch living with two other witches in this huge house. But there was an evil spirit present who had very great powers. For some reason, something else really horrific was going on the in the world and everybody was coming for refuge at my house. Unfortunately, the evil spirit had an appetite for blood. She lured my friends and family into TVs where they died in a movie setting. She conjured them to run into trees, where they would literally run into the trees and be suffocated. Sometimes, she just went after them with a chainsaw or axe when they wandered alone in the house.
She didn't kill everyone and we stayed huddle in the living room while I desperately tried to think of a way to overcome her. We all knew I was the most powerful of the witches, but for some reason, my magic wasn't working that great. Anytime I tried to vanquish the evil spirit, she just laughed. It scared me.

Then I woke up due to an alarm clock and the unresolved dream left a bad taste in my mouth. I tried falling back asleep and going back into the dream, but it had vanished by that point and the next thing I am dreaming about is being at a neighbor's house (a neighbor that doesn't really exist) and then running home in the rain through some woods that in reality are behind my parent's house in Wimberley.

So, frustrated, I was torn from sleep again by an alarm clock, this time my husband as he didnt' have a bus pass for this morning's commute and I had to take him into work. Plus I was frustrated on the perceived lack of help from some household members in keeping up with laundry and dishes (ahem, Brandy).

All this to say, I feel like that little kid in that children's book about having a no good, horrible, etc...day. Sigh, and it is only 9AM.

But the good things: I am still going to class, regardless of how my morning started, which given my history, is good. Also, I am meeting with De today and my sister is going to come over for dinner tonight.

Which reminds me, I haven't planned what we are having for dinner yet. Damn.

Wish me luck,
michelle

Sad news

Ann Richards. I just found out this morning on my way into school that she passed away. I liked Ann Richards. I really did. I met her once and she was genuine. My uncle worked at the governor's mansion when she was governor and always has great things to say about her. She stood up for women's rights, minorities and really was one tough grandma.
I actually broke down crying while driving and missed my exit. I had to laugh at that.

So, Ann Richards, rest in peace. And may your legacy live on.

Start of this year's xmas list

Yes, it's early. But I am about to start on making most of my gifts, so I decided I should start a list as well. Also, cash flow is a little tight this year, so we won't be able to do a lot of presents. On that note, please don't feel like you have to get us something from this list. This list is just merely a guide for your benefit. Thank you.

Here it is, drumroll please (updated 11/8/06):


a storage building, not a big one, about 6x6 or something like that

a digital camera!! (I think my parents are working on this one)

a mexican plum tree (our tiny one died in the heat)

a very nice helmet for Chris (his doesn't fit him, he has a big head, you probably know this)

any kind of cooking pots or pans by Le Creuset (they have Outlet stores for better prices) or any kind of cast iron pots or pans in good condition.

a dog bed for Brandy, I think she might use it now

gift certificate to an Autobody shop (Chris is rebuilding a bike and needs to buy paint for it)





And that is all for now, an update soon to come!

Yes!

Gym?
Check!

Ran for over 30 minutes?
Check-a-roo!

About to go to class?
Double check!

Who is the cheesiest girl on the block?
Me!

Already?

Last year went by too quickly and this year is proving to be the same. It seems like not too long ago Mosaic was celebrating its third birthday with a potluck dinner. Last night, we had the fourth birthday gala.

On my way into work, I passed a marquee with today's date on it. What, I thought. Already it is September 11th? Has it been five years already?

I had this point I was going to write about, it was about perspective and time and how blurry they are at times. But my brain is moving slow this morning. The gears are squeaking and I have not found my true point in the thought process yet.

I did get my hair cut. I do feel better. De was right. Of course.

Class is going well, thus far. I am enjoying it and so far, am not behind in my readings.

Hope all is well with you. When you pray, reflect, meditate (whatever you may do) tonight on the events from five years ago, let's not forget about the wake of innocent deaths that stemmed from that event; those in Afghanistan, Iraq, Israel, Lebanon, Sudan, and many other countries where hate thrives. We must remember forgiveness. We must remember love.