Retraction

Ok, I know I am not that busy. For example, one of my friends, let's call her Ann, is really busy. And rightly so as she lives and breathes one of her passions and gets paid for it. My mom, is also a very busy person, with running a household, a bank branch and a teenage son. She used to be really busy when she was running a household, a bank branch and one teenage daughter and two budding teenagers, all of whom were in sports and one in drama. That was a busy time.
I am sure George W. is busy. Golfing, ranching, making speeches (*supressed laugh here) at fundraisers, etc.

So, comparitively speaking, I am not that busy. It's just I like to hang out with good friends, eat dinner with them. I like to hang out with husband. I like to workout in the morning and not feel rushed during it. But I cannot do these things with my schedule lately. I work almost every night and by the time I get home and unwind, it's 1130 or 1200. I plan on getting up in the morning when Chris does (500AM) because I would like to eat breakfast with him, get ready to workout, etc. But now, when the alarm goes off, I snarl like a wounded beast and pull the covers over my head so the light doesn't disturb my puffy eyes.

And for me, who is still battling that seductive voice in my head that tells me to just stay in bed, not having a set schedule so I can see loved ones, do housework and work out, is hard.

Here is what that damned voice was telling me this morning:
"I have so much to do today. I should not go to class, get the car washed and detailed, drop off the loan paperwork, shower!, workout, go to appointments, etc...I am sure there will be nothing important happenening in class today. Why don't you..."

That was about the time I told the voice to go to hell.

This is what De and I have been working on. The voice had gotten to be so good and so stealthy that I couldn't even distinguish it from rational thought. To me, it was the rational thought in my head. Unfortunately, when things got to be bad because of it, Miss Anxiety voice would also join in the chorus.

So, now I can single Miss Seducing Voice out and tell her to sit down and shut the hell up. And it is liberating. Because now Miss Seducing Voice doesn't invite her highly nervous friend, Miss Anxiety Voice, over for tea to really grate on my nerves. So, I have been doing better in my job, I have more confidence. I also have more confidence in class and it is easier to speak to people I don't know. It's helping me feel confident overall. And I like it.

You know how I was able to single these two hags out? By taking a friend's anxiety medication. Yes, yes I know. I know! Never take someone else's meds. But I was going to be on a plane for 3 hours. I made it during take off, but then the hags started screaming at me "What if we die!?"
"What was that bump?!"
"Do you see smoke? I knew we should have stayed at home!"
"Oi vey! We are slowing down!! We are slowing down!! Does this mean the pilot is having trouble with the plane? Would he/she tell us? What if we are making an emergency landing...

On and on it went.

Then I realized, I would have to make it through the descent.

And I popped the little yellow pill into my mouth.

First, a cold sensation went through my body, especially my hands. I realized it was because I was sweating and gripping the chair so hard and the cold sensation was actually my body returning to normal temperatures. Whew!

Then I heard this:






Silence.


It was heavenly.

Take that you hags. I caught you and now am stringing you up by the toes. Not only am I going to class today, but I am going to study too. I am also going to workout, I don't have to do it in the mornings.

On another note: hearing people sneeze really annoys me. I don't know why.