The longest week ever...

Probably not though. I can remember a couple of weeks (separate incidents) that wer longer. One was the week before graduating high school, the other was the week I was to go home from Germany and then move to Waco. Another was the week before my wedding.

But all those were "I can't wait for this week to be over so I can get to the happy event!" weeks. This week was hell. Hell because I couldn't get out of bed although I had so much to do. I think the garage sale did not make as much money because I didn't work hard enough. I am sick and twisted, right?

But, at the same time, I realize there is hope, goodness and time will heal this unrest in my soul. And that is a good thing.

I also feel another kind of unrest. An restlessness feeling with work, with the lack of school, with the lack of time for doing things I really want to do...like buy some land, build a house, grow our own food, milk our own goats, gather eggs from our own chickens, build a fire in a woodstove, all alongside of Chris and friends. But how realistic is this goal? Taxes, mortgages, student loans...the system is designed to keep you from your true freedoms. Sure, there are ways and there have been lots of people to escape. Which is awesome and inspiring. I better stop before I get too frustrated again.

I want to ask God for my assignment. I want for her to answer in a direct and clear manner. But she might be setting things up for me and I might have to wait a while and I might not even know when she is answering. Damn. I have little to no patience.

Break is over.

Michelle

Why I don't eat meat...

A lot of people, over the three years I have been a vegetarian, have asked me various questions as to why I don't eat meat (with the exception of salmon and sometimes tuna). So, here are the FAQs of my philosophy (still in the works) on my non-meat eating lifestyle:

1. Why did you decide to become a vegetarian?

Well, it happened gradually at first, then bam! one day I thought, I don't think I want to eat meat anymore. At that point in my life, I hardly ate red meat anymore, I just consumed chicken from time to time. I had been working at whole foods for about eight months and started thinking about growth hormones, inhumane treatment of animals and the cycles of life. First, I didn't want growth hormones in my meat. That is disgusting and there haven't been enough long term studies stating they are beneficial. Second, cows that are killed when they are a) in distress and b) have had a horrible life locked up in cages are probably not going to taste that great. And ingesting meat that is stressed is going to pass some of that to you. It brings me to my third point, the cycles of life. Our food, no matter what we eat, comes from something giving up its life. We have to respect that. A living being was sacrificied for us. So, if we don't treat that living thing with respect and a chance to live fully, then what the nutrition it provides us in return will be tainted. It will come back to us, whether through indigestion or more serious health problems.

2. Why will you not eat meat but you will fish and eggs?

So, after examining the reasons stated above, I started thinking about what I was going to keep in my diet. And it dawned on me. If I had a ranch, and had to slaughter a goat, I probably wouldn't do it unless desperate. But if I went fishing, then I would probably could gut and skin a fish. Therefore, I eat fish but not goat. Not cow and not chicken. Eggs are a tricky one though. Yes, they are techinically baby chickens, but as long as they are left unfertilized (like most are) then they are not really baby chickens yet. And they are great source of protein and truthfully, I love eggs. I can raise chickens and gather and eat the eggs and not feel bad or queasy about it. Therefore, I eat eggs.

3. You must eat a lot of tofu.

No. Not really. Just because I am a vegetarian does not mean I just subsituted tofu for meat. As I stated above, I realized that I had already given up red meat and only chicken rarely. Therefore, giving up meat was not hard. It just took being creative in finding how to get my protein: beans, eggs, yogurt, greens, grains, etc. Austin is a good place for me to be living too. But even without those restaurants, I have changed the way I cook. I try to include as much grains, greens and beans into my diet as possible. One of my favorite grains to work with right now is quinoa (pronounced "keen-wa"). It is a grain from South America and is very versatile and packed with protein and amino acids. It takes about 20 minutes for it to cook and if you add cumin, roasted or sauteed veggies, it is great. My mouth is watering to think of it. Being vegetarian has really forced me to explore as a cook (which is something I am still working on as well).
Plus, I don't really like tofu that much to cook with it. If it is in a dish I like, I will eat, but I don't go out of my way to look for it and prepare it for dinner.

4. How do you shop for groceries?

I spend a lot of time in the bulk section and produce section. It is cheaper to buy groceries when you are not buying meat. Grains are cheap, so are beans. Produce, if in season and from the regional area, is also cheaper. Lately, Chris and I have been shopping at the local farmer's market. I have been trying to buy produce that doesn't have to travel very far as that uses resources like fuel to get here and the produce is more likely to not be fresh and as nutritious. Plus, supporting local farmers is great for local economy and if they are growing without chemicals, then it is even better for the environment. Farmers markets are pretty popular and in a lot of towns. Or you can find an area farmer and make a deal with them as well.

Well, I think that is all the questions I can think of. Do you have any more for me? Leave them in the comment section and I will try to get to them.

In the meantime, here is an article I discovered on the website Common Dreams:


Published on Wednesday, April 26, 2006 by the Providence Journal (Rhode Island)
How You Can Be a Mindful Meat Eater
by Matthew L. Miller

SALINA, Kansas -- Living in the Rocky Mountain West, I am used to breathtaking views. None takes my breath away as much as a 150,000-cow feedlot in southern Idaho.

Even before I see it from the road, its stench overpowers me. Then I crest the hill and cattle in bleak pens sprawl to the horizon. It is a depressing sight, and I feel horrified at a food system that can allow animals -- living beings -- to be raised in such a manner.

I see the products of this food system every time I visit the supermarket: rows of fatty, hormone-injected, often colorless meat -- straight from a factory, not a farm. I'll pass.

But I do eat meat. This isn't hypocritical. I buy my meat from farmers and ranchers committed to raising animals in humane and healthful ways -- steaks from grass-fed cattle, roasted free-range chicken, elk chili, lamb chorizo, smoked duck -- and so celebrate the lands and the animals of my Idaho home.

And I want at least part of the responsibility for getting meat to be strictly my own. Each fall I hunt and stock my freezer for the year with elk, deer and duck. For eating, nothing better connects me to the cycle of life and death. I call this being a mindful meat eater.

Becoming a mindful meat eater means acknowledging that life feeds on life, that regardless of our diet, all of our food has costs. Even those who shun animal products cannot escape this, whether in the loss of wildlife habitat to grain fields, poisoning by pesticide use or animals killed for crop damage on organic farms.

Becoming a mindful meat eater also means getting to know farms that produce animals while being respectful of their nature. At a farm market I buy lamb, chicken and turkey from a farmer just down the road. Unlike industrial agriculture's huge feedlots, her farm is grassy pasture and a spacious barn. The chickens roam freely. These animals aren't pets, but she knows each one.

Even large farms and ranches can raise livestock mindfully. I know another rancher with free-range sheep and cattle on thousands of acres. His animals will never see a feedlot. Herders stay with the animals all day to ensure they don't damage wildlife habitat. The ranch also won't harm wolves, coyotes and mountain lions of the area -- a practice labeled "predator-friendly."

By supporting these kinds of farms, and knowing them, I connect with the meat I eat in a better, saner way. The supermarket disconnects us, from chickens crammed into tiny, indoor cages, and from acre after acre of cattle packed into feedlots.

Invest some time in learning how your steaks and burgers are produced. Support labels that certify animals are raised in ways healthful to them and the land, and avoid factory farm products. Restore mindfulness to meat eating.

Matthew L. Miller, director of communications for The Nature Conservancy of Idaho, writes frequently on sustainable agriculture, conservation and outdoor recreation. He wrote this for the Land Institute's Prairie Writers Circle, Salina, Kansas.

© 2006 The Providence Journal


Hope you enjoyed my little soap box rant today! Have a great weekend!

Peace,
michelle

Funny! Well...I thought it was.

So, there is this website I frequent (read: visit every time my little fingers touch a keyboard hooked up with internet access) called Go Fug Yourself. It makes fun of celebrities with HoRrIble taste (ie: Sienna Miller, Kirsten Dunst, Bebe Neuwerth). Now, I don't follow the lives of celebrities, I don't subscribe to "those" kind of magazines. But I do visit www.gofugyourself.com and below I have copied and pasted a little teaser from a recent posting:




Tom: Hi Keri! I'm not going to look you right in the eye because my magic powers might kill you, okay? HAHAHAHHAHAHA. Want to see my imaginary Blackberry again? Wasn't that funny that time we did that the other day? I am QUITE A COMEDIAN! Maybe I'll do a sitcom next. DON'T LOOK AT ALL THE BULGING VEINS IN MY NECK. I mean it. Don't look at them, Felicity. I will eat your placenta. I mean it. NOW LET'S ACT LIKE WE'RE HAVING SO MUCH FUN SOME MORE! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!

Keri Russell: [thinking: I wonder if my reflexes are good enough to grab this bottle, smash him over the head, and make a run for it. Dear Jesus, protect me. I'm so scared.] Hahahaha.


End Scene.

Oh. My. Lawd. "I will eat your placenta"??!! Gross, so gross, but you have to admit- a little funny picturing the spastic laughing Cruise saying that. Oh My God. I laughed so hard I cried.

Yes, I am gross. I know.

PEace,
Michelle

The honeymoon doesn't last forever

Yesterday, I realized. This great-feeling I once had, the butterflies, the hopes, the sparkles might be fading. I met with De. And I left the session uncomfortable and irritated. I know that is a good thing when meeting with a counselor, obviously the good times don't last forever. And finding a counselor is a little like dating and when you find someone, you gotta take the the good along with the bad.
We are working on my school career. We are working towards a goal of me finishing classes, more than one in a row, so I can transfer to an actual university. It scares me. It does! It also scares me that De is making me go talk to people in the field area of horticulture. I have to talk to local farmers, organic farmers, nurseries, farmer market employees, landscapers..etc...And that scares me. What if I find out I don't wanna do horticulture? Then what am I gonna do?

Le Sigh.

Life has been busy lately. But I also feel like it shouldn't be as busy as I am making it out to be. Last week we had our annual wine and cheese party. This weekend we are having a garage sale and there has not been a lot of donations and the proceeds are supposed to go the garden co-op, which attendance has been next to none lately. So, I think I am just discouraged. Discouraged about the co-op, about the garage sale, about the party, about school, about my life. Depressed much? Maybe a litle.

Rose, my boss, says she saw a woman who looked just like me and the description she gave me fit my description circa 2001. Maybe it was me from the past. Maybe Rose had stumbled into a time warp and saw myself from 2001 shopping here in Austin. I wish I was with Rose so I could have told myself some very helpful advice, such as: Dump the asshole. Stay in school and you don't have to do journalism, it is easier to change majors than it is to get dismissed; Spend some time alone without a boyfriend. Have fun. Keep working out and you look great right now, although I know you think you look fat. You look fabulous. Celebrate your friends. THey are going to stick with you through thick and thin. DUMP THE ASSHOLE. Fuhgeddabouthim.

Lovely advice, don't you think?

Break's up. Gotta go.
Michelle

Lemme tell 'bout a dream of mine...

Good morning all. Good morning Ann. I think you are the only one who reads my blog. :)

Ok. I shall start off my blogging with a description of some dreams I had last night. The first one was a recurring dream I have had before, but they always manifest themselves in different ways. It was an end of the world dream and I was in Wimberley. I am always in Wimberley when these end of the world dreams happen.
Anyways, I was at my parent's house and it was in the middle of the night. I heard a siren and woke up in the dream, knowing the siren was coming down the road (which is a private, way outta the way dirt road) and then I saw the headlights coming down our driveway. I ran out of the bedroom, down the hall and flung open the door to find a firefighter standing outside the doorway. His face was smudged with ash and he looked tired. And also frantic. "You have to evacuate. There is a wild fire heading this way."
Sure enough, I peeked around him and there was a huge mountain of fire gushing over cedar trees and toppling 200 year old oaks and it was heading right for our house. I woke up the rest of the house and as we were preparing to leave, the firefighters got the fire under control as it licked the edges of our sidewalk. There, it smoldered for a while, sparking and coughing up ash the whole time. The firefighters seemed to think everything was fine. But I was worried about one of those sparks setting fire to our house, our trees, ourselves. But it just festered. And then it came to resemble what you might see on top of an active volcano. There was hardened crust with thin lava-fire running down the sides. I say lave-fire because it wasn't quite lava, but it was quite fire either. So, there was this huge patch of my parent's yard that festered like an open wound of fire, lava, sparks and ash.

The dreams skips ahead in time. I am in Wimberley on top of a hill. And the hills of Wimberley in my dream are really like small mountains. So, in dream-reality, I am in Wimberley on top of a mountain at my parent's church. There are people I know there from my childhood, people who still live in Wimberley. And we are all about to watch a movie at the top of the mountain from a big bus and as we turn and see the valley of Wimberley, I notice smoke across the valley where my parents live. I know it is the festering fire wound and it set off another fire again. And then, there is fire all across Wimberley, here and there, spotted. And then it is at the base of the mountain where i am. I run into the church to call my family. There is little chance of escaping the fire. I call my mom. "Mom, the fire is all over Wimberley now. We need a plan. A place to meet up and escape together. Let's meet at the Woodcreek entrance at 445."
"Why do we need a plan?"

"We need a plan mom! We need to know that everybody is okay and we can get out of the valley together! Woodcreek entrance at 445"

And then I proceed to call all my family members to tell them the exit strategy.
But I have to ride my bike through town, which wouldn't be that hard, because no one is driving anymore as they are trying to escape the fire. But to start off on my journey I have to ride down this very steep dirt and caliche hill on my road bike. (Road bikes have very skinny tires and do not ride well over gravel, dirt or rocks). I knew I would crash. I sat there on top of the hill for far too long, trying to decide what to do.

And then the dream changed completely...

And I am watching a man and his daughter. His daughter is apart of this very special club in town. But it is also very secret. He drops her off at the house, a kid holds open a door and man is standing on the stairs in the house, counting the children as they pass him. And at the top of the stairs is a very, very creepy figure. You are not supposed to see him if you are not a part of the club. You are not supposed to look. But the man and I look at the top of the stairs and see this shadowy, still, fuzzy image of this man. And we both know (although I am just an observer) that he is evil. Not in the way where he would hurt kids, but where he brainwashes them and turns them against their parents and use them for his will. He is extremely creepy and I feel myself get goosebumps in the dream.

He picks his daughter up and begins to ask her questions about this club, the man and the house. But as he is doing so, he feels someone watching them. He was not supposed to look at the top of the stairs. He tells his daughter when he counts to three, they will begin to run home. He says one, two, three and they begin to run.
And my dream ends.


Weird. I wish Lance was here to interpret. I wish I had a meeting with De so she could analyze.

Jewel is playing now. Over the intercom here at the downtown Whole Foods. It seems like forever and just yesterday that this song came out and I was in high school. I was so young and naive. I thought everything was going to be so easy! I would go to school! With an exclamation point! I would graduate and become a journalist! And I would love it! And then maybe grad school! Maybe marriage! Maybe travelling! Maybe drinking fine wines and eating fine food everynight. Maybe just getting out of my hometown and being on my own was enough. Maybe I only gave thoughts on the future not enough time. Maybe I never really knew what the hell I was going to do. I was too busy having fun, loving life, being young and declaring my independence.

Maybe.

Now, I dwell on the past too much. Not as much as I used to, I am not that depressed right now. But I think what life might have been like if I actually finished school at UT. Would I be working at a newspaper? Would I be happy? Would I be with chris? Yes, no, who knows?

But then this moment, right here passes and I spent my time looking back. "Don't look back, never look back" to quote Can't Hardly Wait. If I keep looking back, like I have done before, my life nows hardens, a pillar of salt.

So, that is my focus. The now. The blooming lavender in my yard. Our wonderful dog. The coolness of our bamboo wood floors.

By the way, here are pictures of our floor!




There has been more work done since these were taken. Chris put up cedar trim all around the base and around the windows. We also painted the front entry way a light blue. It looks awesome and when we get around to getting someone with a camera over, there will be more show off pictures to post.

Sweet!

Have a great week.

Random thoughts...

...with five minutes left on my break.

Ever notice after you mow the yard, the grackles (spelling?), scavengers though they are, take over your yard and feasting on the bugs turned over by the mower. I feel sorry for the bugs (some of them my precious lady bugs!) that I had to mow their protection away.

But it brings me pure happiness to see Brandy run about the yard and then fling herself on her back on the ground and scratch her back by flinging one way and then another. All with a huge grin on her face. When she is done, exhausted, she lies on her side, and sighs. Lovliness.

I have started looking at the tools section on craiglist. What does that mean?

I love you all, and I apologize for not posting enough. We have been crazy busy putting the new floors in, putting up new trimwork, painting, and then just living in general.

Peace,
michelle