Jingle bells, jingle bells...

Hello all,

The Christmas season is officially upon us. You are either cheering or groaning depending on which holiday season I am talking about. If you are groaning, then you are probably thinking of the holiday season where on the Friday after Thanksgiving everybody starts worrying about presents, food and money. The one where people line up outside of BestBuy and Target at 6am or earlier. I think that is crazy. But if you are like me and cheering, then you are thinking about the holiday season of advent and family. The season with cool weather and white lights, good moods of most people, holiday music, and seeing family again. That is what I love about he holiday season.

Our roomie Ann moved out a couple of weeks ago and she took her babies (cats) with her. And I miss her. It was like having a sister my own age around the house, I am quite a bit older than my sister and never got to have the boy chats late at night or the giggle fits that we had. She will be coming back to Austin for the new year, and I am glad about that, but I do miss her being around the house.

Keep thinking good thoughts and sending your prayers for Chris' job situation. We are fine right now, but as the financieer of the house, I can't help but think we are heading for a cliff. Although we aren't, I am just paranoid. But prayers and good thoughts are always welcome. Right now, we will take anything that pays over mininum wage and gets more than 5 normal shifts a week (normal means he is home sometime around midnight and not 230am). A teaching job with a school he likes would be awesome too. But we can't be too picky. And I should not sound like I am ungrateful, because he is working and anything helps. And there are lots of people out there that don't have anything.

Okay, well I don't think there is anything else to talk about. Maybe more later. Ciao!

Michelle

Taking a break?

Hello.

Most of those who know me probably know by now that I have dropped my classes for the semester. Why?, you ask. The answer is: I don't know exactly. I was doing well in them, making A's. But I stopped going. At first I blamed the elections. I stayed up all night on Tuesday and Wednesday so I didn't go to class that week. Then, I became afraid that I would never get caught up if I did return. And even though I knew I could get caught up, I still didn't go the next week. Then, it came time to actually look at my syllabi, and I convinced myself that even if I did go back, get caught up and technically make A's, that I would still fail because both profs take off ten points of the final grade for every day you miss after a given amount. So, I convinced myself the pratical thing to do would be to drop. Then, I made myself believe that this is for the best. That I am still discovering things about myself after 2 years of depression, a new "re-awakening" if you will.

So, what do I believe now? I don't know. I am getting things done regardless of not being in school. I am working, paid for car insurance, running a household financially speaking, crocheting, sewing, and being a good friend. Doesn't that make someone productive? Can't all those things make someone proud? Do I really need a diploma to feel worthy? No. But we already knew that.

A good question was asked the other day: why do I keep spending money to be in school if it just going to go to waste? And that question is a perfectly valid question. My answer is: I don't know. I do know that I start out the semester with great intentions: I intend to kick ass in school, make all A's, be in the honors program like I was in at McLennan Community College. I intend to work and go to school and still be sane like I did while I was at MCC. But I am not the same person I was then. Although there are elements of that Michelle still in me, I cannot work 40 hours a week, go to school full-time and still be sane. Now, it just doesn't work out for me. The Michelle now needs time for herself. Maybe the Michelle now is selfish, or just hasn't figured out how to make time management work for her.

I know I disappoint a lot of people. And for that I am sorry. But I am trying to not be a disappointment in other aspects of my life. I have friends who turn to me for help, I try to be a good spouse, I try to be a good employee, and I try to be a good person generally. If I wasn't a disappointment in the school area of my life, would I be a disappointment in the other areas of my life? Maybe. Maybe I would be a disappointing friend with no time to lend an ear or ride to those who need it. Maybe I would get stressed out and be really snappy with my husband. Who knows?

All this to say, I don't want to have a plethera of excuses this time. I love where my life is right now. And I don't want to provide excuses for that.

Starting over and over and over

Hiya,

Well, I am making an afghan. And I have started over on it at least 6 times. But I am not discouraged. This is all a part of the learning process. I went from using a pattern I taught myself to read and do, but I kept dropping stitches on one side. So, one edge of the blanket was straight and the other side was curving in. No good. But not to worry, I put the pattern aside for now and am doing a stitch that is simple. All in all, I am proud of myself for teaching myself to double crochet and not get so pissed off at myself for having to begin again, again and again.

We heard, saw and felt the thunderstorm pass over our house this morning. It was glorious to hear the distant, quiet rumblings in the sky from far off gradually move closer and closer until the windows were rattling and lights dimming. Then, there was this huge cr-a-c-k! And lightning flashed and the rain went from a slight drizzle to a floodgate being opened. Oh, I love thunderstorms.

I work tonight but then I have tomorrow off. I am very much looking forward to that. I hope to get some dishes washed, some more progress on the afghan and then buy some more yarn for the scarfs I must finish before Christmas. I know the afghan won't be done but I should be able to finish the scarfs before then.

Also, I am putting the soap-making on hold for now. I just won't have enough time before Christmas to perfect the process and then experiment with my own scents and designs. But soon, I will be in the kitchen wearing gloves and goggles, cackling over a bubbling pot. "Eye of newt" is very good for moisturizing you know. (kidding, really)

Ok, I must return to the blanket. It is calling me, especially since I am actually doing a good job and won't need to start over.

Ciao, ci vediamo!
Michelle

Insurance companies suck

Hello to all,

Well, as of tonight, I do not have car insurance. I was covered under my parent's policy but due to increase number of drivers in their household increasing the chances for wrecks, their insurance is cancelled...as of tonight. Yikes! That means we have spent the last couple of hours looking at websites, talking to salespeople and basically, pulling out our hair.

When I rule the universe, this will not happen. I will make sure such excellent public transportation is provided that people won't even need to own cars. Trust me, it will work out.

Other than my blood pressure rising, what have I been up to? Well, not running or going to the gym. Working, working with some more working on the side. I feel like I am trapped in this financial struggle and will never be able to just relax. Not that I want to be rich or anything, but I want to finish school, yet I can't do that without working because we need my income (and the discount). Yet without a degree I will never have an income that is enough to live on with kids and whatnot. Needless to say, I am in a bummed kind of mood. I love my husband, I love my family and friends and where I am in my life, it is just at times I feel like I am running on a hamster wheel...doomed to keep running and running until...

So, I am done writing for now. I don't want to make everyone depressed.

Michelle

Don't eat the soap!

Hello.

Yes, I know. It has been a while since I have last written. But I also know I do not have an extensive fan club that is chomping at the bit (great saying!) to eagerly read my recent posts. So all is well in that compartment.

Actually, all is well in general. Married life agrees with me, although it has only been a little over two weeks. So far, so good. Cool.

I plan on making as many homemade Christmas gifts as possible this year. I just purchased some used copies of books about soapmaking, vegetarian and natural soap making of course. (So, never fear, I will not use the fat that was liposucked off of rich women as Tyler Durdin used in Fight Club). But I will be using some lye, which I am not happy about because that means I need to get elbow-length gloves, eye-goggles, and I have to be very careful as not to burn myself. I am confident, however, once I get the hang of it down, it will be easy to do. And everyone will get Michelle's Natural Beauty Soaps. I don't know if that is what I want to call my little soaps yet, but it sounds good for now. If I get good and efficient enough at it, I might even try to find a store to sell my soaps. Wouldn't that be cool? That means I need to tap into my creative juices soon. Make up some new soaps that will wow the socks off enough people to buy it to make a profit. But even if that doesn't work out, I can still use it for gifts. That way, one who is receiving a present from me will always know what they are getting! Yay for being so darn predictable!

Also, I am going to re-learn how to crochet and sew and also learn how to knit. Yay for feeling productive right now.

Okay, Chris is chomping at the bit (there is that saying again!) to use the computer, so I will retire for now. Thanks for reading. And remember, if you are at a lost as to what to get Chris and I for christmas, check out the list I have on the blog).