Review

It's quiet up here at the gym this morning (with the exception of the gym music). Thus, I just reviewed almost all my posts since I started this blog almost four years ago.

It's interesting to see how I have and have not grown.

We still have financial issues, I still freak out, I still rant and rave, I still have anger issues with a certain ex, we are still not neat-freaks.

But I am hiding in my bed anymore, I am dealing with my problems, I am in school and completing courses, our relationship is stronger and getting stronger, I value my friendships even more.

I can't wait to move back to Austin though. I feel like this chapter of my life here in Sherman was not easy but at least it's short.

8 things

8 Things I'm Passionate About:
1) my loved ones
2) nature
3) wine
4) health
5) mental health disorders
6) DIY projects
7) crafting
8) food

8 Things I Want to do Before I Die:
1) read a book my husband has written and one that Ann has written
2) live on a farm/ranch, sustainable as possible
3) make my own wine
4) make my own cheese
5) travel to New Zealand, Spain, back to Italy
6) re-learn Italian and visit the family I stayed with in Italy
7) have a baby
8) get healthy and stay healthy


8 Things I Say Often:
1) I don't know
2) Thank you
3) Hello
4) Goodbye
5) I miss you
6) Oh please
7) Does that make sense?
8) You know what I mean?

8 Books I've Read Recently:
1) His Dark Materials trilogy
2) Tom Robbins
3) Cider House Rules
4) The Time-Traveler's Wife (listened to it via audiobook)
5) Harry Potter
6) ...
7) ...
8) ...

8 Songs I Could Listen to Over and Over:
1) Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley
2) Fields of Devon by Alex Dupree
3) Iron and Wine, Jezebel
4) I don't know the name of it by Sufjan Stevens
5) I Feel Good by James Brown
6) Oh What a Beautiful morning by Ray Charles
7) Can't Stop the Beat by Junior Senior
8) ...I made it this far...ummm...that one song sung at Mosaic, it's an old spiritual...

8 Things that Attract me to my best friends:
1) sense of humor ranging from goofy to wit and banter
2) honesty and the ability to tell the truth in each other
3) sense of community and understanding of its importance
4) willingness and understanding of life-long friendships
5) similar interests
6) all of their numerous gifts they offer to the world
7) acceptance
8) loyalty

Staring

Today is gray. The sky is gray, the pavement, the grass, the drizzle and the steam rolling off the road. It's all gray. Even the music as I sit here in the "cafe" at Hastings is gray, alternating between a lonesome, heartbroken girl songs to sad Christian music.

I stare at the papers and books in front of me. I read a sentence, but not really. I glance over the sentences, not really ingesting them as glossing them over with my eyes.

I sigh.

I re-read about sugar in juice and wine. I re-read about how refractometers work (the light beam changes directions when going through a different medium, like say sugar and water from the juice of a grape) and hydrometry (where the density of the sugars in juice/wine is compared to the density of sugar in a solution, a weight to weight ratio).

I re-read about the lab procedure I failed to do yesterday because I needed details and I was too lazy and out of it just to do the calculations myself and change the procedure up a bit.

Today is gray. My mind is gray.

I guess associate gray with the lack of feeling, numbness. I am trying to numb part of myself today because I forgot to pack a lunch, forgot my money and forgot that Chris was taking the car, meaning I have to hang out in this shopping center until 330. If I can numb and not move a lot, then maybe I can numb the hunger pains and the spacey feeling I get when my blood sugar is low.

Thus, this melancholy blog.

I apologize, I will try to post something of a more upbeat nature very soon.

Until then, I am going to resume watching steam rise.

Hiking is good for the soul...

There is this hiking trail near our house called the Cross Timbers Trail. It even has primitive camping sites along the way, which is awesome and as soon as we retrieve our bags, sleeping bags and gas stove from my grandmother's storage shed, we are all over that trail. Thus far, we have just been day trippers, hiking about 2.5 miles of the 14 mile long trail.

We had some trouble locating the trailhead on our first visit, so we have really covered the first 2.5 miles of the trail and then probably mile 5 to 6.5. On our first visit, we jumped in at the Marina instead of the trailhead. I thought there would be a road going from the marina to the trailhead...I was wrong. Well, the maps I found haven't been too helpful:


I know. And the one I found online wasn't that helpful either.

But despite that little snag, this trail is a gem! The trail is rugged, follows along the edge of a cliff for the first part and has frequent inclines to build up a good sweat and make you savor the top of the hill.

Watch out Chris!

As you can see there are dangers as the trail crumbles away. (No Chris's were harmed in the shooting of this picture)

Brandy also savors living on the edge:

But after you get used to it, the view is fantastic.




After the cliff parts, the trail veers away and wanders more inland.




And there were lots of spots to sit on the beach and eat a picnic, which is exactly what we did. And I thought about summertime when we can get in the water and swim in a little cove, away from motor boats!
Here's me, thinking about swimming:


And overall, this is a fun, free, healthy way to spend a Sunday off. I can't wait for Spring to see the foliage come alive on the trail, although there are some cool reds, fushcias and purples left over:


We all get a good healthy workout as well as enjoying nature from a different part of Texas.
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Subject Change

Alicia's Store: Harts N Crafts

This is the store that is selling my arm warmers:


It is super cute. Again if you are in Waco, stop by! Tell Alicia I said hi! And buy things from her! Like arm warmers!


Oh, and from this store, came our little kitty Lucy. Here is a picture of her mother and some extended family:

Lucy's mama is the tortoise shell one with the white paw. She looks just like Lucy except she is bigger.

Also, Lucy is in heat. We haven't gotten her fixed yet and then we forgot and now she is moaning and mewing all around the house, she sounds like a demented child-ghost...it's creepy. So, we are going to be researching into low cost spay clinics around the area. The one pricing we did get from a vet was unbelievably high, they even wanted her to come in and "meet" the doctor, a doctor-patient visit and charge us for it, of course. GMAB, guys, she is a CAT. She won't remember you doc. Just do a little snip-snip so I don't have to listen to her howl and watch her walk around with her butt up in the air!

Sheesh.

2008

This has been a rough year thus far.

There's the not being in our beloved community issue. Money issue. House issues. Money issues. Did I mention that one already?

I am surviving, but I am wondering how much more I can actually take before I switch off and crawl into bed, trying to escape? I mean, it really is one thing after the other. If it's not the electrical, it's Molly's TV while the electrical is being fixed! If it is not rent, it's the two other bills I forgot about! If it's not financial aid issues, it's school supply issues.

I mean, thanks God for helping me conquer depression at the moment, but good God, why are you testing me so? I feel like Job. Except without the boils and sitting on a pile of ashes. And I know there are those who are a lot worse off than I am. I mean, there are people who don't even have a roof or anything to eat. And while I always know we will better off than most, I still can't help but feel rained upon with problems until I feel like I am about to drown.

What do you do when things take a turn for the worse? I was hoping to get held by my husband when I got back from my trip to the vineyard, but he was sick and he was the one who needed attention.

At first, I was so numb I couldn't even feel. I couldn't cry. I just forged on. Then another piano dropped on our heads and I cried furiously.

I just needed to vent. I don't have any girlfriends up this way and I am just horrible on the phone.

We will be all right, I know this, but I feel better getting it off my chest.

So, today I am working from 445AM to 2PM. A long shift. I also forget to bring enough to eat with me. I will just have to deal with that when 1230pm rolls around. Then tomorrow I am working 9-3pm, going into the winery and doing some homework with the equipment there, and then working 6-1230am. At least I will get to sleep in tomorrow.

Sunday is our day off together. If we make enough cash on Saturday, then we will drive about 30 minutes towards the lake to go hiking again. If we don't make enough cash to cover the drive, then we maybe we will just play bocce at the park...that's free!

I also plan on cleaning the house Sunday. I think that will help me feel better and more productive around the house. I need to finish a co-worker's arm warmers and get started on some other projects. Mainly I want to re-learn how to sew and learn how to use the serger. I want to make some cute aprons to put in Alicia's store.

If you are ever in the Waco area, you have to go check out her store: Harts N Crafts.
It's awesome. There are so may cute gift ideas. Here is a poster illustrated by Alicia's husband, Aaron Sacco:


So, that's a good note to end this post.

Like I said, we will be fine. I just needed to rant a little bit. Thanks for reading.