Hi there.

So, it's been a little while.

I know! I know! I promised to post more. But, but...well, I really don't have any excuses, so on with the blogging;

Life is going well. Going. My meetings with De are going well, although I was in a very hyper mood the last time I saw her and I hope I didn't sound too enthusiastic and gung-ho. Monday I laid in bed all day. BUT, I wasn't depressed. I wasn't. It was a deal I made to myself. I had not had a day to myself in about two weeks. So Monday was it. I slept in, watched a movie, read a book, wandered through the garden a little...It was nice. Very nice.

Today, my other weekday I have off from work, is a productive day thus far. I did some garden work. I am putting together packets for the co-op gardeners about composting. I have done some laundry. I am blogging. So, yes, it is a good day.

What is it about gardening I connect with so much? Why do I want to inhale all the information and experience I can about it so much? I crave knowledge and hands-on. I crave a mentor who I follow around the garden. For some reason, I have sort of become that mentor for others and it is weird because there is so much I don't know, haven't tried, and am still experiencing.
I want my trees to be huge and bearing fruit. I want my sunflowers to be bright and beautiful, falling over themselves with the their flowers.

I guess what I really want and need even more is patience.

And maybe that is one of the things I love about gardening, growing, pretending to be a farmer, is it's teaching me patience.

I remember one time Chris saying if you asked God for patience, it seems like God really tested your patience after that. It was funny he said that then because just the week before I was dropping Chris off at the airport for his month long trip to England and I prayed for patience. That month was hell. But it also went by fast. Maybe this passion I have for horticulture and botany is a gift that teaches. A gift of learning patience.

And also humility.

I was doing some research on gardening and spirituality when I came across a great site with observations on how gardening connects us with God. But then I came across her thoughts of control. She said we were in control of the plants we were tending to and that is a great gift from God.
I couldn't disagree more.
We pretend we are in control. But we are not. Not at all and that is one of the gifts, the connection, with gardening and God. It teaches us that no matter how much love we give something, how much compost and water we give something; it still may die suddenley without giving us fruits. It teaches us injustice and how to learn from it. It teaches us grace. It teaches us to sigh, mourn, and then move on and try again. Like God is with us. How many times are we falling over from diseases, outside sources. Removing ourselves and not using our talents, our fruits, in the world. How many times does God sigh, mourn and try another way to coax us to blossom?

How many different ways can I be cheesy?

I don't know. I am trying something different. Usually I chronicle my life or I complain. I am going to try to change that when I blog. I want to write about my thoughts, spirituality, why my friends are so freakin' great...I will try. You, my dear readers, must help me though. Remind me when I get too complain-y. Remind me to blog about other things, the vibrant things in my life.

Thanks.

Wha...?

Why is my page all weird like?

Here is a letter to a customer so I can vent my rage:

Dear Leila (aka the woman who wears long pigtails and too tight clothes and you once told everybody here at work that you really are a princess of some island somewhere):

You are an adult. You are not in third grade. If you see someone cut in front of you, talk to that person yourself. Don't expect the cashier, who was too busy doing her job, to regulate the line for you. Also, don't say it is fine when above said cashier apologizes that she didn't see the cutting and the proceed to do her job. ALSO, don't go the next cashier and say you hate the previous cashier. Hate her! You don't even know her. Plus, as stated above, YOU. ARE. AN. ADULT. Adults don't go around saying they hate someone.

Leila, please act your age. I know who you are and I know you have called me a bitch before when I was also just doing my job. I know you have been known to harass other team members as well. The next time you come into the store, you will be warned by management that you are this close to being banned from our store. The people behind the registers are people too and deserve to be treated with respect. If you can't handle that, get the fuck out of our store. In fact, just stay home because I have seen the way you treat customers as well and you, Leila, are a bitch. You need to control your anger, manage your insecurities and stop acting like everyone needs to bow before you and clean your shoes by licking them.


Sincerley,
Someone who hopes to see you less and less at our store.

PS You are not going to get me fired by calling back and reporting me. I am one the best damned cashiers we have and everybody knows you and what you are like. I have won this one, so back.the.fuck.off.


Whew, that felt good. When all this happened I got so worked up I was shaking for a good twenty minutes. Then I calmed down and realized she is supposed to act that way because she is 1) a bitch 2)delusional 3)a dirty little whore. Well, not so little.
Then I laughed. And I think the next time I see her, I will laugh at the situation. Horrible. Horrible I know. I am supposed to forgive and maybe forget. But no, everytime I see her roll her eyes at a child, sigh because someone writes a check, calls a team member a bitch for following procedure, I just can't forget let alone forgive. Where is the justice? Who gets to stand up to her? Not me, because I am at work when I see her and have to "professional".

Le sigh!

This week has been busy. SXSW, Ginny's in town (although I haven't gotten to see much of her) and Chris' has been sick on his week off...very frustrating and enough to make me a little down in the dumps. HEnce, the bitchy letter to Leila.

Oh creator, grant me peace and serenity.

Michelle

Um, I don't mean to complain...what we got was great, but...

We need MORE rain!! Don't get me wrong. The five minute downpour that soaked my garden beds, sprouts, flowers, etc was great. The plants really appreciated it. They did. As did I.

But you see, we are in a drought still. And it is not even summer yet. I dread to think of what this summer might be like without several more downpours.

So, to whomever controls the fronts, the clouds, the pressures, and the rainfall: Can you send some more? I would really appreciate it.

Thankful for the rain teaser last night,
Michelle Gold (Eastside Austin TX)

If I could write a letter like that and actually send it, I would be happy. Do you think it would be run like the government? Where paperwork and bureaucratic systems would take forever to file, send to the appropriate department and then promptly lose the letter? I hope not. Because what about prayers? Aren't those like telegrams? Do they get filed? wouldn't it be cool if we could send heaven, the other side, the creator, the "big guy/gal upstairs" a singing telegram prayer? But not Madonna style from the movie "Blue in the Face", that would be rude.

Maybe we should have a rain dance. Can't hurt uh? Maybe God really wants us to liven it up a little bit. Shake our asses, uh? I don't think there is anything heathen about a rain dance. It'd show God that we are really, really desperate to have some rain, but we still love her and want to have a good time nonetheless!

Fortunately, we are not this bad yet.















But here is a cool artistic depiction of a rain dance I found on google image search:


I think, though, we should take a hint from these kid-dos and just let loose! I mean, just look at them! God has gotta be looking at them, saying "Ohh...all right. More rain is on the way...because you all are so darned cute!"

Oh man, does that mean we gotta hire these kids? Are we cute enough? Or will God see us dancing and say "Eewww..."


******************************************************************************************************************************

Geez. Did you think I was never going to stop talking about rain? Rain on the brain! Geez, golly Michelle! Shuddup already!

Anywho, gotta go to the dentist today to get some torture done on my teeth. So, rightio, I am off for that.

Groan...
Michelle

Weird dreams.

The fact that I have been remembering them lately is weird enough. But the actual dreams are strange as well. Like take last night's dream, for example. I shall title it "Brokeback Mountain Deuce:The Return of Heteorsexuality and the Journey of the Llamas".

Seriously.

I was watching Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhallllll (sp? I think?). THey were transporting llamas through these dark, damp mountains. And they were not gay! They were just cowboys transporting llamas over some mountains. Instead of packing and transporting their camp on the back of donkeys, there was this machine, like a tram but really old and rusty, that would carry their equipment straight up the mountiain while they were stuck winding up the switchbacks with their thousands of llamas. Then, I took on the point of view from Heath Ledger and began worrying about bears. As I was walking down a rocky and dark path, with Jake behind me shining a little, blue light, we noticed a wolf. Now, in real life, if you make yourself really big and tall and menacing, a lone wolf might just run away. However, this wolf was hungry and I, Heath Ledger aka the formerly gay cowboy, started running. I just turned and ran into the dark woods without a thought as to how I would find my way back to the path. Eventually, I could hear the wolf catching up to me and, in the movie style tradition, I tripped and fell to the ground and the scene went black as I heard the wolf pounce.

Then we were in a house and I was again a passive observer and noticed Heath Ledger's face was all messed up and all he could understand was French due to brain damage. So, then appears this guh-orgeous French girl and they get married and live on a mountain with thousands of llamas.

Uh?

I liked the movie. I didn't think it was all that great, I failed to see the love story, rather I saw some lust (which we all, straight or gay, experience) and obession. BUT nonetheless, I could care less if they were gay or straight. So, why did my subconscience make them straight? Hmmm...I have no idea.

Anyways, things are well besides dreaming about those boys, flying to New York with my parents and being in a airport lobby that looked like a Vegas Casino.
I had a wonderful day yesterday filled with accomplishments and getting caught up with longtime friends. Wonderful. Glorious.

And I am done. For today.

Spring. Is. Almost. Here!!

Although it feels like it is here in full force right now and has been for a while, it is officially almost here! Whoopee!
That means I can plant, ride around on my bike more, get ready for swimming season...I don't think I have ever been this excited for spring before.

THe Co-op garden is still humming along, although barely. It's a little disorganized and nobody showed up the week before and sometimes I just want to say, you know let's just throw it out the window and if you wanna come over and help, cool. But making it official when nobody really chips in or even emails me back is really frustrating.

I have tomorrow off and I super-duper excited. I am going to run, workout at the gym, do dishes and laundry and then ride bikes and hang out with friends. Excited.

I hope tomorrow is as beautiful as today is.

Good news:
The plumbers came out and assessed the water seepage in one of the bedrooms. It has been leaking, un-noticed, for a couple of weeks now and the carpet and wall are ruined. But the plumbers fixed the leak, the insurance should be out tomorrow or Friday, write us a check for estimate damage, and then Chris and my dad can do the repairs and we might have enough left over for bamboo wood floors in that room. Cool. I am handling it all pretty well. Just like an adult and not freaking out that much.

Other good news I might have forgotten to mention: we put a deposit down on the bamboo wood floors from a local store a couple of weeks ago. When we get our tax refund, we will purchase them completely and install them, hopefully over spring break. We are planning on putting it in the living room. For those of you who don't know about bamboo wood floors: it looks just like hardwood but it is normally a little cheaper, and it comes from a re-newable source since most bamboo species can grow up to a foot a day. And bamboo is good feng shui.

Holy moly, my fingers are cold in this office!

We watched an old movie last night called Ikiru. It was good. It was about a man who learns that he has stomach cancer and only about six months to live. So, he slowly wakes up from his mundane life and re-discovers passion. But it is done in a very slow and unexpected way. And the man is a little creepy, which a character states in the movie, which I was glad that at least they were doing it on purpose.

Tomorrow night, when I am not working, we are watching Requiem for A Dream. I haven't seen it! So, don't spoil it for me. But I have been forewarned to brace myself.

Myself bracing.