Mishi chatter

The Return...

2009-11-01T14:05:00.002-06:00

Hello. I have a baby who is 4 months old.

The last time I blogged, I was three weeks away from giving birth. My how time flies.

I don't have time to blog about it all now, but i wanted to let you know, my dear readers (if you are still out there) that I still think about blogging from time to time.

And here is our Christmas list:
Chris:
pocketwatch
gift certificates to buy e-books (not from Amazon because he does not have a Kindle e-reader, he has a sony one)
half price book gift certificate
a new pocket knife

Michelle:
gift list on Amazon
my sanity
my brain

Gotta go.

Getting there...

2009-06-03T12:52:00.001-05:00

I will be 36 weeks this Saturday.

I will have approximately four weeks left starting next week.

I am starting to get stretch marks.

My pelvic bones feel like they are going to snap in half.

I don't know how I can get any bigger.

And did I mention I have four weeks left??

Agh!!

But I know I will survive. Women all over the world do all the time. I am just saying that I will survive but not without some complaining on my part.

The good things:
She is starting to become more real to me the bigger I get because I can actually visualize how she looks inside me. She is her own person already and that amazes me.

I am going to take a long weekend this weekend and spend most of it in a river and in a pool.

I might start tele-commuting for work.

We got a dishwasher and it already has made my life easier.

I am not afraid of labor.

The mural in Laurel's room has been started, Aaron Sacco is doing it, and let me tell you friends, it looks awesome.

I have three showers to attend! One this weekend and two next weekend. Well, one extra because I am going to a friend's baby shower next weekend as well.

Chris. Is. Awesome. He has been the best and most supportive husband ever, even when he makes me go for a walk when I don't want to.

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34 weeks

2009-05-22T12:55:00.001-05:00

So this Saturday I will be 34 weeks.

O.M.G.

I feel like I cannot even fully comprehend what it means that we are having a baby sometimes. Sometimes, though, I can. It's weird. To think that the little being inside me will be out here in 6 weeks (give or take) is mind boggling. Not to mention that she will be completely her own little person! With her own little personality! Fascinating.

I am feeling all right. I got the 3rd trimester fatigue though and that's not fun, although I have been reading a lot. Like the Twilight series. Oh goodness, I really can't even explain why I like those books and why Edward is just so appealing to me. I mean, he is a vampire! A teenage vampire! Weird, I know, and I am definitely going to blame this one on the pregnancy hormones.

Chris is good. Actually, to me, Chris is fan-freakin-tastic. He is doing so much around the household and other responsibilities that i feel like crying I am so grateful. And I can tell is excited about being a dad. I think he is going to a great one too.

Our good friend Ren is doing a cherry tree mural in Laurel's room. He sketched out the trunk yesterday and I can't even begin to explain how awesome it looks. The way he has captured what I wanted (not Dr Zuess cartoony, but something older and wiser) is amazing. Go to his blog www.austinartist.blogspot.com to see more of his great works. We will definitely post pictures when it is done to promote his work.

Other than that, the room is basically finished. I don't know how the next couple of months are going to shape up job and money wise and time wise but I am sure we will manage. We always do, we have great support from friends and family. We are so blessed.

The Austin Wine Festival is this weekend. I will be there on Saturday so stop by the Mandola booth and say hi! I will pour you some wine and let you touch the belly for good luck...and a dollar...kidding...maybe...

Happy Memorial Day weekend! Be safe everybody!

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meh

2009-04-02T13:50:00.001-05:00

The underlined ones are mine. I couldn't get the bold to return back to normal...

*1. Started your own blog
*2. Slept under the stars
*3. Played in a band.
*4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
*6. Given more than you can afford to charity
*7. Been to Disneyland/world
*8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
*10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
*12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
*16. Had food poisoning
*17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
*20. Slept on an overnight train
*21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
*24. Built a snow fort
*25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon (not yet!!)
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice (it was too expensive!)
*29. Seen a total eclipse (of the heart? j/k)
*30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
*35. Seen an Amish community
*37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
*39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo's David
*41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
*44. Visited Africa
*45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
*46. Been transported in an ambulance
*47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
*51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
*52. Kissed in the rain
*53. Played in the mud (all the time growing up)
*54. Gone to a drive-in theater
*55. Been in a movie
*56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
*60. Served at a soup kitchen
*61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
*63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
*67. Bounced a check
*68. Flown in a helicopter
*69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
*70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
*71. Eaten Caviar
*72. Pieced a quilt
*73. Stood in Times Square.
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
*78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
*83. Walked in Jerusalem
*84. Had your picture in the newspaper
*85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
*88. Had chickenpox
*89. Saved someone's life
90. Sat on a jury
*91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
*93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby (almost!!)
*95. Seen the Alamo in person
*96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake (Does the Dead Sea count?)
*97. Been involved in a law suit
*98. Owned a cell phone
*99. Been stung by a bee

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LKJ

2009-03-17T08:58:00.001-05:00

It's a girl!

Most of you know by now, either by a mass text, phone call or facebook.

So, we know we have Laurel Katharine Johnson on the way. It's really weird how finding that out made this whole pregnancy thing seem a little more real.

You guys, my family rocks.

Seriously.

This past weekend my mom and dad, grandma, uncle and cousin all came to the house and we (they) re-did the baby's room, put in new french doors (replacing the old windows in the living room), put in new doors for the bedrooms, and excavated an area for our new patio in our backyard! (Thanks to Jason on that one too!)

So, Laurel's room has new insulation, wiring, sheetrock, double pane/low-e glass window, new paint (a very pale yellow on the walls and pale blue on the ceiling) and a new ceiling fan.

And I can't wait for our patio to be done! It's gonna look so awesome. Righteous!

It's spring break and Chris has off all week...poor thing, he is having to work hard around the house all week and I am not much help since I am working this week and can't lift heavy objects or be around any chemicals, fumes or sanding. I felt very useless, so I made everybody sandwiches, ran errands and walked around proclaiming how awesome the whole renovation was looking.

And this weekend we are driving to Denton to visit our very good friends, Pete and Joy, who just recently welcomed Zoe into the world. It's gonna be fun to see them as parents and squeal over little Zoe's toes and cute tooshie.

Don't have any pictures now. Sorry, sorry. I know I know. Soon.

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Focus

2009-02-25T07:50:00.001-06:00

So, I went to my monthly midwife appointment. It went well, I met with another midwife who I didn't really like as much as the others ones I met with, but she was nice enough. I did gain 6 pounds though. In one MONTH. And when you consider my goal weight for the whole thing is 25 pounds, 6 pounds is a lot.

I know where I went wrong though. I did indulge a little too much on the snacks and vanilla milkshakes. But I also went from walking a mile to a bus stop and standing on my feet for 8 hours to sitting in a chair for 8 hours. And I was still eating the same as I did when I led that very active lifestyle.

So, now I need to re-adjust. I do have to watch the sweets and I have to get the lead out. I need to start moving. I walked twice already this week and lifted weights once. That's a start.

But damn. I thought I was doing so good.

Other than that, the baby's heartbeat sounds good and everything we did see at the ultrasound looks healthy. We go back next week for another one since the face and the front of the heart could not been seen from the baby's position.

And I still feel so completely utterly un-prepared.

I am at a total loss about diapers, daycare...well, those are the two main ones. We want to do cloth diapers. Yes. Yes, I know. They use water. But they also don't stick around in a landfill for 1000 years and, yes, there are some made of biodegradable corn stuff. But mass farming corn is just as bad for the environment and hello! It's food. There are people starving throughout the world and we have the audicity to put food in our cars and in our packaging. Humph.

I digress.

So there are services that pick up the dirty ones and drop off the cleans ones and financially speaking, I think it works out to be a pretty good deal.

But what if the little tyke is in daycare? Do daycare centers handle cloth diapers?

And then there is the question of daycare itself. As in: WE CAN'T AFFORD IT. So, what do we do then?

These two main thoughts are constantly with me, swimming somewhere in the back of my brain, occasionally surfacing.

Then there is the house issue (needs constant improving) and the commute issue (needs constant improving) and you can see why i would reach for that vanilla milkshake.

Instead, though, I am trying to take those worries and use them to fuel my walking. We'll see how that goes.

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20 weeks

2009-02-13T17:47:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow is the beginning of my 20th week being pregnant.

Squeee!!!!

That means I am about halfway through which means ohmygodwearegoingtobeparentsin20weeksandhowinthehellarewegonnadoit!!!!

As well as happiness, of course.

My belly is rounding out and I promise, promise to put up pictures soon, but it's cool finally having to wear maternity clothes and look pregnant instead of just fat. I am also going to start doing some mommy bonding with other moms because I need advice, seriously. But also because my little one is going to need playdates and little friends his or her age! (JOY, could you please move back to Austin? nono, I understand...)

It's weird though, I was talking with Joy today and I said something that just sounds weird. I could totally do this pregnancy thing again. I know, I know, I haven't actually gone through labor or dealt with staying up really late...but it's kind of sad to think that this might be my only experience with pregnancy. Not that we are ruling brothers and sisters out, we are just not planning yet. We are going to see how one turns out to be and then we will decide. But I love being pregnant! Although I haven't gone crazy with food, I love that I COULD if wanted to. Ya know? I love the fact that I am constantly nourishing someone. SOMEONE. Isn't that weird? Before there was nothing and now there is SOMEONE inside me. It's kind of profound to me when I think of it that way.

Now I want ice cream and cupcakes...thanks to Posh for the cupcake craving. Oh man. If you ever need some more panel judges Posh, I am there. I think a pregnant lady's perspective on cupcakes would add more insight to your panel.

Cupcakes!

ultrasound

2009-02-06T11:16:00.001-06:00

Well. The babe must take after his dad. It's stubborn. It was lying facedown so we couldn't see some of the vitals needed for the anatomy scan, such as the four heart chambers and the face. It also had its little legs (which were precious to see, by the way) tucked up unders its body so we couldn't make out the gender either.

We tried me laying on my side for a bit. When I rolled over back onto my back, you could see the little one trying to flip over to be face up, but as soon I as rolled over, it flipped back over.

Little stinker.

But since we didn't get some of the vitals, I have to go back in a month and we will see if it wants to cooperate this time or not.

I was a little disappointed, but I think i knew there was a good chance of this, so I am not too terribly disappointed with waiting. I mean, I still have 21 more weeks of waiting as it is, so waiting 4 more weeks isn't that bad.

I am learning patience.

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Update-y things

2009-02-05T10:49:00.002-06:00

Well, I am 5 months. Officially 19 weeks on Saturday. I am starting to show, but the roundness isn't quite there yet and I can't wait for it to get there because now it just looks like two big bulges from maybe eating too much pizza.

I go today to the ultrasound appointment where they look at the babe's brain, heart, spinal cord, and ...um...the other vital organs (I am reluctant to name them on here because I don't want my page to get added to google search for certain words...). So we find out today if we are having Liam Noble Johnson or Laurel Katharine Johnson!

Yup, those are the names. Liam is a name I have always, always loved and connected to and Noble is Chris' dad's name. Laurel is my grandmother's name and Katharine is my great-grandmother (grandmother's mother) and my sister's name.

We certainly didn't mean both names to have the letter 'L' but it worked out that way. And we certainly didn't mean to have a baby L and a kitty Lucy. Too many Ls!

Not really.

I have felt some movements that I suspect were baby bumpings but I am not sure and I haven't felt anything from the outside yet. I hope that changes soon too although I am not looking forward to getting kicked in the ribs. But ah well, not much one can do about it.

I will post pictures soon. I took some at my birthday of the belly and when I get the ultrasound stuff today,I will try to post those as well.

Other than all that, things are going well. I have only gained 5lbs during my entire pregnancy so far (I am hoping to keep it around 20lbs when all is said and done, but I am trying not to worry about it too much as well). I have been getting hungry about every two hours and I try to eat healthy stuff and lots of greens. Although I still have a little trouble digesting them smoothly.

House stuff is all right. I have someone from the City of Austin investigating who did work in our yard several years ago, it still smells from what we suspect is a leaky wastewater line. It is very frustrating because it creates this awful smell in the house too.

My family is helping us with the last bedroom this March where we will replace the window with a more efficient double-pane, low-E glass window, re-wire the room, put up a new ceiling fan, new sheetrock, new baseboards and trim and finally, new paint. Then it will be all ready to start acquiring stuff for the babe.

Then we just need to finish some minor details on the hallway floor, replace the old laminate flooring with new laminate, and then do some major cleaning ALL OVER THE HOUSE. I am talking about doors, cabinets, major scrubbing of the wood floors...I am going to be enlisting my friends and family who are known for their cleaning, work and motivation skills to help me on that project (ahem, Ann, G'ma, Katie and my mom).

And then there's the small, everyday realizations that Chris and I are going to be parents. The Cool! moments and the Ohmygod! moments.

Speaking of Chris, he has been the best throughout the whole pregnancy. I mean, he was the best before but now, wow.

He cooks every meal, makes sandwiches for me, cleans the litter, takes out the trash, does dishes and laundry, lets me sleep while we could do other things...and still tells me I am beautiful.

And even with those two separate bulges I was talking about earlier, I feel beautiful. At times, pregnancy feels weird and uncomfortable,but on the whole, it is beautiful.

we got the beat

2009-01-03T12:29:00.001-06:00

Yesterday we went to our second pre-natal appointment. All my bloodwork came back great (yay for not being anemic!) and my blood pressure is actully lower than last time. I only gained 3 pounds in my first trimester and that includes the holidays. Then we got to listen to the baby's heartbeat.

So. Cool.

It was like listening to a little train...dadum dadum dadum...at 150 beats per minute. The midwife declared it perfect.

We will be finding out the sex at the beginning of Feb. So maybe we will tell you what it is, maybe, if you're lucky. jk

Other than that, I feel good! I want to eat again, I have energy, and I am not cranky all the time!

Yay!

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for my sister-in-law and mother-in-law

2008-12-15T13:58:00.001-06:00

So, I know almost everyone knows about this video already, I saw it at my favorite site, poshdeluxe.com, and when i did, i almost turned to Chris and suggest we move to France so our baby could speak French like this little charmer.

I was trying to explain the video to my mother-in-law, Karen, this weekend and alas, was unable to do it justice. So I am posting it here, so hopefully Jennifer will see it and direct Karen to it! Enjoy and see yall soon!

Once upon a time... from Capucha on Vimeo.

done

2008-12-15T10:47:00.003-06:00

Well, I finally received my grade for my last class for my last semester of classes at Grayson County College. Everything is in order and I believe I am...graduated. Finally. Albeit, it is only an associate's degree, I am going to pretend it says more than that and actually reflects my rise from depression two years ago, growing up and deciding to finish something I started.

I am now 11 weeks. I think I would have a little pooch if I didn't have a little pooch to begin with. So I am just pretending the already-there pooch is the baby pooch, but I can't wait to actually have a real baby bump. All I am getting out of this deal right now is aversion to healthy food (which I love, like greens), an aversion to do anything but lay on the couch and read and grumpiness. Man, I have been a grump lately.

I do hope to do some more crocheting but I think the overload of hormones have wiped out my inspiration/motivational part of my brain. Gah.

Speaking of losing motivation, it is now gone for continuing this post, so farewell readers.

yes

2008-12-10T12:19:00.001-06:00

Yes. It's true.

Chris and I are pregnant.

You probably already know that by know. Either my mom, Ann or Chris and I told you.

I am 10.5 weeks. Seriously. I am counting the .5s because the past 4 weeks have been the longest of my life. End of June/July is going to take FOREVER to get here. Sweet baby Jesus.

So, my class is (almost) over. I am still waiting on my grade, which i hope doesn't come solely from my paper that I worked a total of 5 hours on when I had the whole semester to do it. Ready for the excuses, cause here they are: I WAS WORKING! At a winery. Lots and lots. During harvest I racked up almost 60 hours in one week.

Then I got pregnant...and well, I am not an emotional wreck like most books say I would be, but I am un-motivated, un-inspired and extremely tired all the time. Who wants to write a paper when you are feeling like that? Sheesh.

So, anyways, I am not hoping for one grade or another, just to pass so this semester is over and I can graduate.

I am actually in a really crappy mood so I will blog no longer today lest I scare everyone away with my bah-humbug-ness.

Cheers.

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random-ish thingies

2008-10-14T12:42:00.001-05:00

If you see me, please don't ask me if I stomp the grapes. Because I don't. And that is the first thing people ask me when they find out what I do for a living.

Also please don't say these things to me:
"I bet your job is very intoxicating."
"Oh what a nice kitchen..." (in reference to the lab. It's a LABORATORY people, do you see a freakin' stove in here? But you do see some burets, lots of chemicals, stainless steel countertops, graduated cylinders and beakers...)
"Are you drinking on the job again?" -followed by laughter. No. No I am not. I am tasting because that is a part of my job, but I am not "drinking on the job".

Unless you want me to glare at you, then say those things to me. Otherwise, ask grown up questions about my job if you are curious.

On a different note:
One day there was a tour full of school children through the winery. The manager giving the tour was doing an excellent job and finally they got to the bottling line and as I walked byI overheard a little girl ask, "Do any girls work here?" To which the manager replied, "Yes, there are a lot that work in the tasting room and there is one, that works in production, Michelle."

One that works in production. Does that mean anything to that 8 year old girl, who really was asking, are there any girls that work as winemakers. Are there any girls who fill the barrels, who move the wine, who work in the lab, who work on the bottling line? And lastly, CAN girls work here, is that something that is done?

This is my answer to that little girl: Yes. Girls can be winemakers, bug scientists, wildlife biologists, pastors...anything you want, you can do. And there is so much out there that you don't even know of yet! All we know as little kids are astronauts, doctors, lawyers, actors, fireperson, etc...There is so much opportunity. So find out what you love to do and then seek out how to make a living at it.

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How to get covered in must and wine

2008-09-11T16:31:00.008-05:00

How to get covered in must and wine:
Get inside of the tank after draining off most of the juice but with the must still inside. But don't get into the tank any old way. Go in through the opening near the bottom, the manhole. Look up and bend over backwards and slide in through the manhole on your back. Once your backside is firmly on the bottom inside of the tank, push yourself further into the tank and therefore, sliding more into the remaining juice. Stand up inside tank and shovel the must out. The must that is up to your knees inside the tank.

That is how you can get covered in must and wine.

This is the tank I was in:

Although you can't really see the wine stains on the back of my pants, this is my backside after shoveling out the tank:

And this is me actually in the tank. Smiling. Having a blast because it is my first of many times I will ever be inside a tank.

If I ever get around to scanning childhood pictures, I will show you how perfect this job is for me. When I was a little girl, I would actually play with five gallon buckets and a waterhose in the summer time. I made mud pies. Mud villages. I climbed trees barefoot. I got filthy during the summers when I could be free and play wherever I wanted. But I also loved school, especially science.

So this job is the best of both those worlds. I love the physical labor part of my job and how most of the time, I am covered in grapes, wine samples and water. And then there is the science part of my job where I can spend a whole day in the lab and feel like I have only been there for a couple of hours.

How did I luck out again?

Don't get me completely wrong though, there are downfalls. Some days I am just exhausted and don't wanna move, let alone bins and buckets of wine and cleaning chemicals all day. THere are some days when I can't get my chemicals standardized or solutions mixed up properly or experiments to go correctly. Those days are frustrating.

But, overall, I am hooked.

Stay tuned

2008-09-11T13:10:00.001-05:00

More on the hows/whys and whats of this picture later.

Stay tuned, dear readers...

Don't get mad.

2008-08-31T14:32:00.003-05:00

I don't think I can blog about work anymore. I think my blog may be jinxed. I talked about two possible mentors who no longer are my mentors here anymore. I feel if I talk about my co-workers, that something might happen to them and then they won't work with me anymore. And, you guys, I really like my co-workers. I don't want them to get sick or stupid or anything. I am sorry for being so vague but all I can say is that I still love what I am doing and I really can't imagine doing anything else. Even though things are super busy at the moment. I worked 7 days this week, long hours each day except for today, which will be a 6 hour day or something like that.

We crush, we press, I do a lot of lab work (which is one of my favorite things to do at work), we clean, we move wine, we rack wine (which is the same thing as moving wine except you are taking the clear juice/wine off of the lees [which are the heavy solids that settle out after you crush and press] and moving the clear juice/wine to another tank), we clean, we do pump-overs, we clean.

Have I already given you some definitions? No? Ok, well here are some and these definitions are in my own words, so I hope I am right. I will be fact checking as I go along (did I mention my boss knows about my blog [Hi Big D$$!] so I hope I don't make an ass of myself and tell you that one word actually means something completely different, although I doubt BD$$ actually reads my blog but just in case he does: My boss rocks!)

Racking: removing juice/wine from the settled out solids, lees or sediment

Pump-overs:a procedure which gets the cap back in contact with juice/wine during fermentation so that the wine can get more skin contact which in turns helps with tannin structure and color extraction

Cap: the skins and seeds of red grapes(the must)that forms in the tank during fermentation

Topping off: using one batch (either the same or a different one) to fill a barrel completely so there is no air space in the barrel. Over time, the air space in a barrel will increase as barrels are not air tight. Also, winemakers will extract small amounts of the wines aging in barrels to run quality control tests on them.

Crush: a machine or process which, usually, de-stems the grapes and gently crushes them to release juice, which is called free-run juice.

Press: In whites, this happens immediately after crushing. The free-run juice goes into a separate tank while the pomace is pumped to the press (ie: the modern-day grape stomper). There are different kind of presses, the main ones being the bladder press and the basket press. The bladder press is a large cylinder on its side with a delated bag on the inside. During the press, either manually or on a program, the bladder will slowly inflate and push the pomace to the sides of the cylinder where there are slits to allow the juice to flow through and down into a press pan. From the pan, the pressed juice can go into another tank or the same as the free-run juice depending on what the winemaker wants.

With reds, this usually happens after fermentation is complete or when the wine is dry. The juice is drained out of the tank and the pomace is taken out of the tank and transferred to the press. The press cycle begins and the pressed wine is usually put with back with the same wine.

That's all I can think of right now. As I said, I worked 7 days this week but I do have tomorrow off. But right now, must...take...nap before heading back to the winery to do evening pump-overs!

Things I have learned

2008-08-17T02:09:00.003-05:00

These are a few things I have learned since working at the winery:

1. Winemaking is 60% cleaning things, 37% moving heavy things and 3% drinking beer.

2. Stainless steel can hurt your fingers, especially your fingertips. It doesn't matter if you thump them, bump them or tap them against stainless steel, it WILL hurt.

3. Muckmaster boots (aka waterproof boots) are awesome but will leave a semi-permanent mark around your calves and don't keep your feet from staying dry when they are sweaty.

4. Although some at the winery will argue this is the number one rule: Don't be a P---sy! (Although I think to myself whenever they say this: I have one, what does that mean? Anyways, I digress.)

5. If you try to explain to customers intricate processes, they will only remember about 1/4 of the information and then re-gurgitate some bullshit and therefore, make you look stupid. Let them stay ignorant until they actually want to learn more for learning more sakes and not looking to tidbits to throw into the next party convo.

6. I still have A LOT to learn.

7. I still have A LOT of spanish to learn.

8. I still have A LOT in the way of wine tasting and palate refinement to learn.

9. It doesn't matter what I do or wear, at the end of the day, I look haggard, tired, and I stink. At least though, there is a glow in my eyes that encourages me along this path.

10. There is no way possible to be pregnant and do this job. (Btw, I am NOT pregnant, just would like to have on sometime and trying to figure out how to do this while still doing what I love).

Those are the top ten right now. And I am sure there will be another top ten in a couple of months.

Thanks for reading!

Finally.

2008-08-04T20:26:00.003-05:00

I have composing this blog in my head about my internship for a while, usually when I am at the winery, doing some cleaning in the Texas heat (in the shade, though, so that's good).

First off, before the nitty gritty details, the WINERY ROCKS! I clean barrels, tanks, bins, floors, etc...I have also lifted 60 lbs barrels, unloading a truck and putting them onto racks, worked 12 hours a day bottling wine which means dumping cases of empty bottles onto a conveyor belt, loading bottles into cases and lifting the filled cases onto a pallet. I have also run tests on the wine, ranging from the sugar content to the acid content to the amount of SO2 in the wine.

Today I punched down the cap of a fermenting red wine. I didn't literallly punch it down, I used a stainless steel tool that is like a paddle and I push it down on the must (the skins and seeds of the red grapes which we keep with the juice until the end of fermentation and then we press the skins some more to get some more juice...)

Tomorrow we get more grapes in, red and white.

The nitty gritty details: my first day of my internship was a little unusual as there were some changes going on in the heirarchy of the winery which wasn't an expected and it was very surreal as Dave, the assistant winemaker, frantically tried to get records straight, notes in order, wine to be bottled, etc...I spent the first week in the tasting room, which was very frustrating to me. But Dave did an excellent job keeping everything together and done in such a diplomatic way.

The second week I switched from going from the tasting room to the back, where mainly I helped Serafin with his chores and not really understanding what I was doing since I was just following orders.

The third week brought the interim winemaker, Greg H. who is this guy. For the whole first week, though, I just knew he owned a winery in Washington, is originally from New York, and was a winer buyer for about 15 years or so. Read the interview from the link, then you will see my shock after I googled him the weekend after meeting him.

Holy cow.

I even went to a wine tasting he was invited to at a posh wine bar in downtown where I was so intimidated by being with him and other sommeliers that I couldn't even taste the first four wines of the night. Then later on, I proceeded to pour wine all over his hand. Yikes.

But mainly, it's been workworkwork. My body is still adjusting to working physical labor for over 8 hours a day. I have lost weight, mainly inches and not pounds, but I figured out why the pounds aren't coming off...working at a winery is like weight lifting all day. There's no cardio. So I am building muscle but not burning fat at the same rate. Eventually, with more muscles, I will have a higher metabolism because muscles use more energy than fat.

Anyways, in the meantime, Chris has been fabulous. He makes me coffee, breakfast and lunch almost every morning. He cleans house and does laundry. He is also looking for a job, so keep your good thoughts coming this way for that area.

I am glad I finally got to blog. I only get on the internet about three times a week now and when I do, it's email, myspace and facebook...in that order. I barely have time to read poshdeluxe anymore, which makes me sad as her blogs always cheer me up in some way.

Have a great and cool August everyone! For me, August means harvest which means workworkwork.

small bloggy blog

2008-06-30T21:51:00.002-05:00

The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they've printed. Well, let's see.
1) Bold the books you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE. (I am amending this one, @# means I LOVE it. I don't have the underline option on blogger)
4) Star the books you're reading/have read some of.
5) Copy, paste, & repeat.

1 Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien @#
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling @#
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee @#
6 The Bible- parts of it
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell *
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller *
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare (I have read a LOT of the plays)
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier

16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks

18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger

19 The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll @#
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy *
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis. * (seen the movie)
34 Emma - Jane Austen (seen the movie)
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis (seen the movie)
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving @#
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery @#
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy*
48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood @#
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel @#
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens @#
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck (seen the movie)
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones' Diary - Helen Fielding (seen the movie)
69 Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett @#
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray (seen the movie)
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens (seen the movie and musical)
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker @#
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte's Web - EB White (seen the movie)
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery-
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas *
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare (seen the movie)
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl (seen the movie)
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo * (seen the movie and musical)

Slackin'

2008-06-08T21:02:00.002-05:00

But only in the blogging world. In the real world, I am a busy, busy bee.

This past two months have consisted of me working 40 hours a week, finishing up the spring semester of school, helping my family do some major reconstruction work at my house, working the Austin Wine Fest, going to Sherman and packing up my things and my husband and moving back down to Austin.

Whew.

So, an update on my internship: I start on June 23rd, but I will be all over at first, meaning the tasting room, bottling line, vineyard, lab, etc...I will be getting paid more than I thought. But that will only go to gas since it will be around 55 miles round trip to go to and from work.

BUT, this will not only be work, but school. And I can stay with family in Wimberley anytime since my parents only live about 10 miles away.

AND I am planning on keeping a detailed blog on my experiences there at the winery, so don't go away. After these messages, we'll be right back.

Again

2008-05-17T12:02:00.002-05:00

So, yeah.

I have been saying this a lot lately, but I will say it again on here: I can't believe school is over for the semester and I am just as busy.

The good news: I made three As and one B. So that's what, a 3.75, and combined with a 4.0 from last semester...well, that's pretty good!

Yay!

I barely have time to workout, but luckily I have the best little sister in the whole wide world and we have started running together and also luckily, I have formed a great network of other workout buddies like Ginny with a G and others....

I have lost a little more weight, but after seeing some pictures last night from a party, I want to lose more and I want it to happen faster. Please.

Next weekend is Memorial Day Weekend and I am spending the entire weekend at the Austin Wine Festival. Saturday I will be there with Whole Foods at the bistro, selling cheese platters. Sunday and Monday I will be there with Mandola's Estate Winery, actually pouring wine. I am excited about next weekend.

This upcoming week I plan on running and working out a lot, maybe buying a new dress or something to wear because I know I will see people I know at the Festival.

Other than that, I have just been working a lot. A lot. But that's good. And I go back to Sherman the first week in June to move Chris back home. I miss him terribly.

Hi!

2008-04-21T14:39:00.002-05:00

I am still here! (pant pant) Let me...catch...my breath first...

Ah, there.

So, it's been a very busy week and a half.

April 13th was Chris' birthday and as it was a Sunday we enjoyed a gorgeous spring day in Sherman where we played bocce at the park while drinking beer, hung out at the house watching movies and smoked the hookah a bit. It was a very memorable, beautiful day.

Then the next day, the craziness began. I drove to Austin and worked from the 14th thru the 17th and then drove back to Sherman on the 18th, a Friday, and then went to class this past weekend. It was the in class meeting of my online class for Enology II. I hadn't met this professor yet as he is actually teaches at Iowa State. But he was really informative and a very good teacher and was able to explain a lot of the questions we had. Then Sunday we had another good day filled with errands like laundry and shopping, but we did get to ride bikes and watch more Battlestar Galactica.

Now I am back in Austin and I will be here until Friday morning. Blah, I hate all this driving but I am about to move back into my house, working at Whole Foods and still have weekend classes and workshops to attend so I do what I must.

Today has been an awesome day so far, and most of it has been in the car. Well, actually it was stressful as I hit morning traffic in Dallas and then tried to get a bill straightened out with my dental office and my insurance. But instead of getting emotional and losing my cool, I thought about all the options and continued working towards them, and I think it might be okay!!

Then I went to the eye doc place because the film on my glasses are glazing over and I constantly have to squint at everything, but GOOD NEWS, they have a 2 year warranty so it's free to fix them. Thank the Lord.

Then I went to the gym because my HR person from work never cancelled my membership but I didn't know if it would still be active since I don't have a regular paycheck from Whole Foods since I was only seasonal. But it is! So I worked out and showered and now am feeling much better.

I work at 4, but only until 1030 so it's a quick and fast shift. Then tomorrow I am going to workout in the morning, meet with my counselor, study and then go to work. I have got to get focused on my schoolwork, it's almost done for this semester! Whee!!

Sorry about the boring update. But that's why I haven't been able to blog in a while. Thanks for checking!

Michelle

Chick books, guy books....

2008-04-11T05:46:00.006-05:00

PS (Ha! A PS before I even write anything!) I use Chick in a lovingly, non-degrading way. I think chick has taken on a connotation of its own in this context. So if you are offended, chill out.)

I might have already told this story on here once. I have a horrible memory of what I have said or not and what I have heard or not. I think this is one of the main reasons Chris married me, he can tell me the same jokes and stories over and over again and each time, it's like I have never heard it before! Anyways, I digress...

When I was cashiering one day at the (w)Hole, I was talking to this one customer about the book I was currently reading. I told him it was by Barbara Kingsolver.

"Oh, a chick book." he said with a slight smirk.

Irked, I replied "What do you mean?"

"Well, there are chick flicks. And there are chick books. Kingsolver definitely writes chick books. " and he walked off.

I fumed. I was mad because it felt like he insulted me AND Ms. Kingsolver.

Later, when I became more accepting and aware of the precious bonds between women, I learned to become proud of chick books. Some men are just offended or put off by the fact that they can't relate to the characters in the book because they are women! I mean, I don't read certain comics, magazine, etc...because I can't relate to the men characters.

Currently I am reading The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay and I started thinking about the difference between chick books and guy books.

The Amazing Adventure is definitely a guy book. One of the underlying themes is the start of comic books. Now, I am not saying that girls don't read comics. But on the whole, boys do tend to read, invest and spend more time with comic books. Or at least they did at one time. This book is about the people behind the groundbreaking work of comic books and their lives. It's a good book.

Another guy book author comes to mind as I write this: Paul Auster.Fierce photo! I love his books! Book of Illusions, Timbuktu...ah, they are so good. And I don't really know the main reason why I place his style under guy books, but it could be all his main characters are male and his female characters are never really, well...easy to relate to. They tend to get swept off their feet too often. Granted, I haven't read all his works so this is only based on a handful of works.

So, this brings us to the question: do men and women read differently? Do they read for a different end? With a different purpose in mind (either conscious or sub?)

But all this to say, why did that one guy smirk about chick books? Most women can travel back and forth between chick and guy books. And even if they don't, they wouldn't say "Oh that's aguy book." Smirk, smirk.

Why do chick books then, get looked down upon? Trash novels, Danielle Steel (repetitive), Chicken Soup for the Soul, etc...I mean, even graphic novels have a better rep than trashy novels. But don't they do the same thing? They take someone off in a fantasy land where talking to the cute sister of Dream (Death) is possible or where a muscle-ripped, barbarian can be tamed by love. (First reference: The Sandman Series;second: about 1/2 of romance novels)

Some would argue that one is art and the other doesn't have any artistic value. But who is to say what is art and what's not? To the lonely wife who takes care of all the household chores, the kids, works, and has the pressure of still required to look young while her pudgy, hairy husband snores next to her as she reads a romance novel...who says that's not like looking at Van Gogh for her?

Does it have to do with emotions? Chick books, for the most part, really play up the emotion part...feelings of grandeur, love, anger, revenge.

Thus leading back to the smirking man at my register on that beautiful spring day. What is it about emotions that scared him so much?

I think I am writing in circles. But I would love your input.

PPS On a lighter note, I googled imaged romance novels and came up with some spoof covers! They are great! Enjoy!

From: http://www.worldoflongmire.com/features/romance_novels/index.htm

And here's one just for Poshdeluxe:

Health

2008-04-10T06:09:00.002-05:00

So, if you haven't discovered my little link section that I finally figured out how to work, then you should. The last one, entitled, My other blog about health stuff, is my health blog. I update on my workouts, food, health goals and other body issue type stuff.

I realized I wasn't moving forward toward my health goals like I have been doing for my other goals. For example, when I realized I wanted to be a winemaker, I researched, moved and am now almost finished with school with an internship lined up to start in the summer. Steps in the right direction, I would say.

But with my health, well, I was cheating myself. Which is not cool.

I would say "Oh yeah, I want to run a 5K, 10K, marathon, triathlon, go hiking for several days, etc..." but then would never take any steps towards those goals.

So see my other blog about the steps I am taking.

But all that got me to thinking about promises we make ourselves and then break. And if you're one who never breaks a promise to others, then why would you break a promise to yourself? What does that say about how you value yourself?

Mainly, these are the questions I have to keep asking and reminding myself to think about. When I say to myself, I am going to do X today, then I should make plans to do X. This what I had to do when I decided to move away from Austin and my loved ones. This is what I have decided to do when I go workout. This is what I SHOULD be doing when I see our messy household, that is, take steps towards making it a nicer, clean household.

Unfortunately I have no time this week since I broke loads of promises to myself earlier this year in regards to my online classes. Had I stayed on top of things then, I would not be scrambling now. Ah well, I can't guilt and regret over it now. The only thing I can do is promise to do better and to keep my promise.

2008-04-08T06:27:00.001-05:00

When to step in and when to not? Do I just stand as a pillar of encouragement and love? Or do I come riding in a horse trying to save the day?

Of course, posed in that silly way, I do not come into save the day.

But looking back, could something have been done?

I know I am writing in such a cryptic way. Some friends of mine are going through some issues and I am trying to decide whether I should stay observant as I have been or whether I should say something.

In fact, just writing this means I am butting in. I mean, what's to stop them from reading my blog? What's to stop someone after figuring it out to mention it to either one of them?

But it all leads to a question that only mildly pertains to them: Where is the line?

When my parents were going through some issues, some of my mom's friends backed away. They pulled out of her life, either because they didn't know how to handle it, they didn't want to address something that they might have to deal with or they didn't want to have to choose.

It's hard seeing people you care about go through so much pain. I was in my early 20s when my parents went through some really bad times and somehow landed on their feet. It didn't affect me because I was fresh in college, striving for my own independence. I also didn't want to hear about it. Shamefully, I think back on the moments when either of my parents reached out to me, either for support or encouragement or just to talk and I shrugged them off.

Luckily, as I said, they worked through them. They both wanted to keep the 20+ marriage going. Now, without any kids in the household, it feels like their marriage is stronger than ever.

A couple of years ago I watched another couple go through some bad times. It all worked out for the better. Although the extreme seemed shocking at the time, they have gone on, grown and matured in ways they probably wouldn't have had they stayed together.

But with those two examples, it's hard to say to those going through tough times to "work it out" because we never really know what's going on, we never really know who that person is going to become with or without their partner.

Either way, it makes me look at Chris and my heart swell knowing that we have chosen each other to be with, to love. And that any problems we come across, we will work them out. Or at least try. And I think that will have made all the difference.

One more week.

2008-04-07T06:11:00.003-05:00

My weekend went by fast. We drove to Tyler on Friday when Chris got out of school. We loaded up Brandy and our laundry, grabbed dinner from the Watsonburger (yes, a real place that's not very good) and headed towards Tyler. The nice thing about being in Sherman is that Tyler is only about 2 hours away. Thus, we don't use a lot of gas and right when the trip starts feeling like it's taking forever, we are there!

Usually, when we go to Tyler, it's a weekend of laying around, playing cards, watching movies and visiting. This time, I decided to shake things up a bit. I tenatively planned going to a winery called Kiepersol Estate Winery and then playing bocce in the park on Saturday. So we got up, I went running and then we had breakfast. We started off our little adventure by going to the winery's tasting room that located in Tyler. There I met Chad, the tasting bar manager. He told me a little about him while my in-laws and Chris looked around the shop, where they not only had their wines but other Texas wines. Chad told me about his 23 years experience of teaching and when I exclaimed that he looked so young (he did indeed look 35 at least), he told me all about his Botox trade he does with a surgeon where he brings the wine and gives her a massage in exchange to Botox injections.

Then we tasted some wine there. Chris really liked the Tempernillo and I really liked the Syrah. But we actually wanted to visit the vineyard, which was located about 20 miles out of Tyler. So we loaded up again and went to the vineyard.

FAN.CY.

This place was gorgeous. It being a beautiful day, we went on the patio with our tastings and discussed what our picnic options were while overlooking the vast acreage of vineyards. This place has 51 acres of vineyards. 51!! In East Texas!! It takes work, money, prayer and more money to keep vines alive in East Texas. You have not only to deal with Pierce's Disease, but with mold, mildew, rot, etc...

The rest of the wines I tried were fabulous! They only had one white, which I thought was a little odd, but it was Semillion, one of my favorite whites. It was good, but I prefer Semillion to be aged sur lies in oak, it gives it a more round, creamy flavor. This one hardly had any finish but was real clean and crisp.

The 3 barrel reserve merlot was excellent as was the Sangiovese. Chris got a bottle of the tempernillo from his parents as his birthday present (it's this upcoming Sunday!) and I purchased a bottle of the Sangiovese. I think we will have it with pizza this week.

After deciding on Subway, we went to the park and had lunch. The day was gorgeous! Absolutely clear, bright and high in the low 70s. Chris introduced Ben (brother in law), Noble and another guy from Tyler to the game of Bocce. The little girls, the nieces, were also enchanted with the game. When the toss was over, they would race to the sitting balls to pick them up and they were the official holders of my ball and of Noble's. Sometimes we would let them throw the white ball and they loved that.

After that, I ran with the girls to the stage of the amphitheatre of the park where the girls ran across the stage, showing me the Peter Pan ballet moves. They saw the ballet the day before.

Then we all went back to Karen and Noble's house for rest time before having dinner that night. We had crab legs! They were good although a little hard to eat.

Sunday was a lazy day, we slept in, went over to Chris' grandparents for lunch, visited Jennifer and Ben in their new home and then loaded back up and drove home.

And basically as soon as we got home, I went to bed since I have one more week of getting up at 4am. Thus, I didn't have time to download the pictures I took this weekend (which I didn't take as much as I should have). So, when I do, I will re-edit this blog and put in the pictures. Fun!

Today I have a lot to do. I work until 10am, then I am going to workout, and then I will be doing schoolwork until at least 5 or 6.

Have a great Monday everyone!
Michelle

PS Here's a picture I do have of the little girls from about a year ago. They are sitting with Noble (or Bobo), Chris' dad. Katy is on the left and Lyssa on the right:

Willpower

2008-04-04T06:29:00.002-05:00

Thanks for all the comments yesterday everybody. And thanks for putting up with such a sleepy, stumbling, rambling of a blog. That blog was as sliced up and stretched thin as Joan Rivers. Badabing!

Anyways. Today's post will be about willpower. I discussed it a bit in my myspace blog, but the blog is reserved for funny stuff, rantings and surveys only. This blog, this one is the real deal.

Willpower. I was reading a blurb in the O magazine I think. (A disgression: I like the O magazine! Yes it always features Oprah on the cover, yes it's Oprah, yes...but the articles are really great! Really! It's like they can afford to hire the really good, thoughtful and original writers! And it's really uplifting. There are so many empowering stories for women in there. Anways...)

The blurb I was reading was talking about how willpower is like a muscle. You have to work at it to make it stronger and sometimes, when it's tired, it's easy to slip up. I know this is true especially for me. One day I will have awesome willpower and then the rest of the week, it's tired and sore. I won't get anything done and I will eat what I crave instead of listening to what my body really needs.

So, I am trying to be more aware of my willpower but being aware in a different way. More in the "this is a muscle and I have to focus on it when I am working it out otherwise I won't be in proper form and it won't get worked at all" sort of way. By being aware, it helps me to focus.

For example, yesterday my willpower was strong. I did lots of schoolwork, I ran errands, I worked out, I ate well, and I was in a relatively good mood all day.
Usually when a day like this occurs, especially after my depression years, my willpower sinks into a chaise lounge, fanning itself, calling for smelling salts and powder. It's weak. It doesn't want to do anything.

But I won't let it take the easy way out today. Today, by being aware of my willpower and pulling its lazy ass off the lounge, I will push it to make it stronger.

I can't say it will work, I can't strain it after all or push it to completely rebel, but I can make it stronger.

Here is a list of my known weaknesses:
*Chocolate, especially right after a meal
*Laying down for a little while, only to get up 2-4 hours later
*Blogging, surveying, myspacing when I should be studying or working (ahem)
*Slouching on the futon with Chris watching movies/shows online when we should be picking up before slouching on the futon
*Having more than one glass of wine when we get a bottle, it's okay to do that every once in a while, but not every time you buy a bottle! Make it last for the next meal!
*Portion control and eating slower
*Putting off schoolwork

So yeah, that's quite a list and I am sure there are things I forgot. But let's take things a little slow, ok?

What things does your willpower not stand a chance against? What are you working on? Thoughts, suggestions, ridicules? Post a comment, I love getting comments!

My own experiences with rudeness

2008-04-03T06:01:00.003-05:00

Today's blog is going to be weird, rambling, and it will digress a lot.

My main point is the lack of manners I come across in my jobs and places where I live.

Let's start by talking about the town where I temporarily live right now.

The people in North Texas, generally speaking, are very rude. It's a whole different culture than what I am used to in central Texas and the Hill Country. They rarely respond back when I say hello to members at my job, they demand things, they talk but don't listen...at first, I didn't know what was going on. Then I realized, they are just rude! Entitled indeed!

In McKinney it is more that people act like they have a sense of entitlement. Why? Because McKinney is where new money is escaping from the sprawl of Dallas. Except McKinney is now a sprawl of Dallas thanks to new money escaping there. They try to act rich, pout and demand, and then don't tip. All the while never really listening to you when they ask you a question, they are just preparing for what they want to say next.
In Sherman, it's more of a "we're trying to be small town but at the same time trying to act a little like McKinny while at the same time trying to escape our country roots" feel.

I think it's from living on the prairie. Living in this dreary country with the howling wind, hot summers and sometimes very cold winters is enough to make anyone pissed off at everyone.
That's still not an excuse though.

Rudeness exists in Austin too. Especially as people move in because its the "place to be" or whatever. I experienced a lot of rudeness when I worked at Whole Foods and on the road. But I also came across a lot of nice people too, which I have yet to do here in North Texas.

I just don't understand rudeness. I try to be polite in every situation, with every bank teller, grocery store checker, and even customer service reps for my accounts. I almost always say "Your company did this..." instead of "You did this...", I say thank you, I call people ma'am and sir, etc...

I have come to the conclusion that the generation of parents now (with kids older than 5), for the most part, are so involved with their lives and their own immediate family, they have blinders on. They don't realize there is a world around them. And when that happens, they don't say thank you as they are handed their receipt. They don't say hello when the receptionist says hi. They don't hold the door open for people and they certainly don't let people merge in a traffic jam.

And the worst part, this gets passed onto their kids.

I have another theory. You know how some kids resist being spoken to by strangers sometimes? For example, when a cashier says hello to them. Some kids are just shy. But some kids don't respond because they don't know how to! They see how their parents interact with other adults, especially those in a service position, and don't know how to say "hello". I swear, I did a little experiment. Children with parents who interacted with the world around them were more sociable. Children who were, not shy, but resistant to interacting usually had parents who ignored me as well.

Yesterday there was an interview on NPR about the differences in generations and this gen x'er was complaining about the gen y'ers.

Let's break down the generations. My dad is officially a baby boomer, but a late baby boomer, being born in 1958. My mom, born in 1961, is technically a Tweener or in Generation Jones, each characterized by being a teen in the 70s. I am either a late Gen X'er or apart of the MTV Generation, also called XY (the cusp of X & Y).

It could be said that rudeness can jump around with each generation. Baby boomers, for the most part, came of age and helped to start the counterculture of the 60s. They experienced something progressive, violent and some major transitions. Then as they settled down and got older, they tended to become more conservative. And to date, they have the highest median household income. Maybe with this trend toward settling, becoming more conservative, they want to give their children a safe home and with luxuries they couldn't or didn't want to have.

And now those kids, Gen X, have their own kids. Gen X is characterized mainly by their cynicism and disgruntled attitudes toward authority. Gen X'ers grew up in a time when divorce was common, economic ups and downs, etc...

Could the rudeness stem from each generation trying to make a comfy nest for their children? It seems that each generation tries to rebel against that of their parents. If they grew up in a placid time, they cause a ruckus (boomers). If they grew up during turmoil, they sit back and mock everything (x'ers).

But each generation tries to provide for their children what they didn't have.

And if they didn't have bikes, suburbs, dinner on the table by 5pm, the Silent Generation (parents of boomers) did that for their kids.

If the boomers didn't have MTV, cars when they were kids, and money then their kids gets them.

If the Gen X didn't have internet when they were little, cell phones, iPods, etc...then their generation gets them.

Am I making any sense?

Either way, the roles of parents in society play a major role in how their kids will interact with the world.

(By the way, I just helped a member out. Did I get a thank you? No. Sometimes, even those of way past generations, like the Silent Generation, forget their manners.)

So, please, be aware of how you treat people.

How you act today could be how you are treated tomorrow.

Stumbling

2008-04-01T07:29:00.002-05:00

Remember: I am on the right path.

Well, I have tripped. And although I have sat up and wiped the dirt from my face, I am sore and bruised.

I am even further behind in school and guess what I did yesterday? Nothing. I sat on my path and refused to budge.

Today I hope to rise and, although faltering, continue on this journey. Even though I have made the path for myself rocky and uphill, I just have to continue onwards.

Today:
Work
Home, change clothes, gather school books, go to Winery and work on lab reports
Pick up Chris at 4
Gym; treadmill 5-530, abs, kickboxing 6-7
Dinner and beer with hubby

I am on the right path, I just wish I had a hot air balloon.

Back to, well, normal...

2008-03-31T07:39:00.002-05:00

The speech tourney was great! The hospitality room, although they did serve lasagna, was awesome! They had so many desserts, I actually stood there staring, trying to choose. Key lime pie? Cobbler? Brownies? Cheesecake (pumpkin, NY and regular)?
I had bits of the pie and brownie.

And due to an error the coordinators made, we actually got paid more than what we were originally quoted! Yes!

The bad things: Several high schoolers, in the final round of extempt (which is a current event/speech writing and giving competition where you pick a topic, have 30 minutes to research it from magazines, newspapers, etc that you bring with you and put it into a speech), made several, grave mistakes.

One young lady got Pakistan confused with Palistine. And when asked to described the changing politics in Pakistan, starting talking about the gaza strip and rockets and Israel, etc...she also tried to compare Bhutto to darkness.

Groan.

Another young lady thought Saudi Arabia and Pakistan were at war with eath other and the Roadmap to Peace was about them.

Another young man had a topic about biofuels and whether it helps or hurt the fight against global warming. He said it hurts because a friend of his had a truck with biodiesel and his little girl got sick, sick in her lungs and had to have surgery, but nothing too major, but she still had to go to the hospital...etc...

But the poetry finals round was awesome and really hard to decide who should go on or not. One read Margaret Atwood's "Half-Hanged Mary". It's a long poem to read, but if you have time, go ahead and read it. It's great. It's even better performed as one young lady did an excellent job. I gave her 1st but since there were 2 other judges, she eventually got 2nd. But she is still going to regionals and I hope she does really well!

Half Hanged Mary
Margaret Atwood

7 p.m.

Rumour was loose in the air,
hunting for some neck to land on.
I was milking the cow,
the barn door open to the sunset.

I didn’t feel the aimed word hit
and go on in like a soft bullet.
I didn’t feel the smashed flesh
closing over it like water
over a thrown stone.

I was hanged for living alone,
for having blue eyes and a sunburned skin,
tattered skirts, few buttons,
a weedy farm in my own name,
and a surefire cure for warts.

Oh yes, and breasts,
and a sweet pear hidden in my body.
Whenever there’s talk of demons
these come in handy.

8 p.m.

The rope was an improvisation.
With time they’d have thought of axes.

Up I go like a windfall in reverse,
a blackened apple stuck back onto the tree.

Trussed hands, rag in my mouth,
a flag raised to salute the moon,

old bone-faced goddess, old original,
who once took blood in return for food.

The men of the town stalk homeward,
excited by their show of hate,
their own evil turned inside out like a glove,
and me wearing it.

9 p.m.

The bonnets come to stare,
the dark skirts also,
the upturned faces in between,
mouths closed so tight they’re lipless.
I can see down into their eyeholes
and nostrils. I can see their fear.

You were my friend, you too,
I cured your baby, Mrs.,
and flushed yours out of you,
Non-wife, to save your life.

Help me down? You don’t dare.
I might rub off on you,
like soot or gossip. Birds
of a feather burn together,
though as a rule ravens are singular.

In a gathering like this one
the safe place is the background,
pretending you can’t dance,
the safe stance pointing a finger.

I understand. You can’t spare
anything, a hand, a piece of bread, a shawl
against the cold,
a good word. Lord
knows there isn’t much
to go around. You need it all.

10 p.m.

Well God, now that I’m up here,
with maybe some time to kill,
away from the daily
fingerwork, legwork, work
at the hen level,
we can continue our quarrel,
the one about free will.

Is it my choice that I’m dangling
like a turkey’s wattle from this
more than indifferent tree?
If Nature is Your alphabet,
what letter is this rope?

Does my twisting body spell out Grace?
I hurt, therefore I am.
Faith, Charity, and Hope
are three dead angels
falling like meteors or
burning owls across
the profound blank sky of Your face.

12 midnight

My throat is taut against the rope
choking off words and air;
I’m reduced to knotted muscle.
Blood bulges in my skull,
my clenched teeth hold it in;
I bite down on despair.

Death sits on my shoulder like a crow
waiting for my squeezed beet
of a heart to burst
so he can eat my eyes

or like a judge
muttering about sluts and punishment
and licking his lips

or like a dark angel
insidious in his glossy feathers
whispering to me to be easy
on myself. To breathe out finally.
Trust me, he says, caressing
me. Why suffer?

A temptation, to sink down
onto these definitions.
To become a martyr in reverse,
or food, or trash.

To give up my own words for myself,
my own refusals.
To give up knowing.
To give up pain.
To let go.

2 a.m.

Out of my mouths is coming, at some
distance from me, a thin gnawing sound
which you could confuse with prayer except that
praying is not constrained.

Or is it, Lord?
Maybe it’s more like being strangled
than I once thought. Maybe it’s
a gasp for air, prayer.
Did those men at Pentecost
want flames to shoot out of their heads?
Did they ask to be tossed
on the ground, gabbling like holy poultry,
eyeballs bulging?

As mine are, as mine are.
There is only one prayer; it is not
the knees in the clean nightgown
on the hooked rug.
I want this, I want that.
Oh far beyond.
Call it Please. Call it Mercy.
Call it Not yet, not yet,
as Heaven threatens to explode
inwards in fire and shredded flesh, and the angels caw.

3 a.m.

wind seethes in the leaves around
me the trees exude night
birds night birds yell inside
my ears like stabbed hearts my heart
stutters in my fluttering cloth
body I dangle with strength
going out of the wind seethes
in my body tattering
the words I clench
my fists hold No
talisman or silver disc my lungs
flail as if drowning I call
on you as witness I did
no crime I was born I have borne I
bear I will be born this is
a crime I will not
acknowledge leaves and wind
hold on to me
I will not give in

6 a.m.

Sun comes up, huge and blaring,
no longer a simile for God.
Wrong address. I’ve been out there.

Time is relative, let me tell you
I have lived a millennium.

I would like to say my hair turned white
overnight, but it didn’t.
Instead it was my heart;
bleached out like meat in water.

Also, I’m about three inches taller.
This is what happens when you drift in space
listening to the gospel
of the red hot stars.
Pinpoints of infinity riddle my brain,
a revelation of deafness.

At the end of my rope
I testify to silence.
Don’t say I’m not grateful.

Most will only have one death.
I will have two.

8 a.m.

When they came to harvest my corpse
(open your mouth, close your eyes)
cut my body from the rope,
surprise, surprise,
I was still alive.

Tough luck, folkds,
I know the law:
you can’t execute me twice
for the same thing. How nice.

I fell to the clover, breathed it in,
and bared my teeth at them
in a filthy grin.
You can imagine how that went over.

Now I only need to look
out at them through my sky-blue eyes.
They see their own ill will
staring them in the forehead
and turn tail.

Before, I was not a withc.
But now I am one.

Later

My body of skin waxes and wanes
around my true body,
a tender nimbus.
I skitter over the paths and fields,
mumbling to myself like crazy,
mouth full of juicy adjectives
and purple berries.
The townsfolk dive headfirst into the bushes
to get out of my way.

My first death orbits my head,
an ambiguous nimbus,
medallion of my ordeal.
No one crosses that circle.

Having been hanged for something
I never said,
I can now say anything I can say.

Holiness gleams on my dirty fingers,
I eat flowers and dung,,
two forms of the same thing, I eat mice
and give thanks, blasphemies
gleam and burst in my wake
like lovely bubbles.
I speak in tongues,
my audience is owls.

My audience is God,
because who the hell else could understand me?

The words boil out of me,
coil after coil of sinuous possibility.
The cosmos unravels from my mouth,
all fullness, all vacancy.

***********************************************************************************

Powerful, no?

Anyways, I finally found some moisturizer stuff to use. I found it at my parent's house. I don't really care about wrinkles, especially if they were crow's feet, because then one would know I smile a lot. But mine are underneath my eyes, with dark circles.

And part of my trying to be good to myself is not just about working out and eating healthy. It's about brushing every day and flossing every night. It's about washing my face and putting on moisturizer. It's about changing my sheets, picking up after myself, cleaning the kitchen. It's about being organized and returning borrowed items.

For me, it's about being at peace in all parts of my life. From physical to mental to spiritual.

When I move back to Austin, I might join Yoga Yoga. I have been wanting to make Yoga apart of my life for a while now but only discovered that after we had decided to move. Now that I am moving back, I can do it. Plus, they have classes especially designed for plus-sized folks. Yoga can be very hard for me since I have so much around my middle and in the chest area.

I hope everyone has a great Monday and a wonderful week ahead of you!
Michelle

Friday. Yes.

2008-03-28T05:37:00.004-05:00

Yay it's Friday. Which means I get two days where I don't have to get up at 4am. Or at least, where I don't wake up at 4am, get up at 430am, run around like a chicken with no head and rush to work.

Instead we are doing a whirlwind trip to the Hill Country this weekend.

Business.

Chris and I are judging in a speech tournament in Comfort.

It's their 2A District UIL competition.

Most of you probably don't know, but I have been judging in speech tournaments pretty much since I graduated high school. Some district tournaments, but mainly invitationals.

Most of you also probably don't know (here is where I brag) but I also went to State UIL my senior year in Prose. I got 6th overall. It was pretty awesome.

Anyways, it's a fun way to make some money and help out. It's really easy too. I mean, there are some hard contests to decide but it's not like it's the Olympics or anything. You get free food from the hospitality room, although most of the time it's highly processed, highly carbed food like doughnuts and coffee for breakfast and lasagna for lunch. Ugh. But I can't really complain.

Most of the time, I get to see my old high school speech/theatre teacher, Ms. Miller. (Yes, that's me with Lydia and Gary, Wimberley's renowned theatre team and Mercury McCall. I directed a Shakespeare play with Wimberley's Shakespeare under the Stars at the Emily Ann Theatre back in 2002...I was in way over my head.)

Anywho! She is awesome. And totes crazy. She makes the funniest gestures and facial expressions. This time she won't be there though.

It'll be me and Chris and whoever else I usually run into at these events.

On a different note: I had the craziest dream last night. Of course I don't remember all of it, but here's what I do remember:
Chris and I were taking a bag full of food and blankets to this loading area where all these people were being taken away. I think they were being taken to a prison-like camp or to an institution somewhere. Anyways, Chris' ex was in the back of one of the trucks as well as some other people from his past, some of whom I have met when we go back to Tyler and go to church with his parents.

Anyways, we saw one of the guys from Chris' parent's church, who I think leads worship or something and we talked to him for a while. Chris introduced me, which was weird because I already knew him. As soon as Chris spoke, though, his ex who had her back to us, turned and saw me.

I walked over to her and introduced myself. It just felt like the proper thing to do, ya know? I handed her the bag and wished her the best.

I have never, in the five years we have been together and in the almost ten years we have known each other, dreamed about Chris' ex before. So it was a bit surreal.

I think it stems from a great conversation Chris and I were having over a few beers at the pub the other day. We talked about the breakup, the effects of it on his family and peeps from their church. We talked about a lot of stuff that we might have skirted around before, but never discussed.

So I guess I had that on the brain and bam, she just popped into my dream. I hope she doesn't stay there like my ex has. He is always there, just waiting to surprise me in some dream and provoke me.

Issues much? Why yes, I am not ashamed to say so.

I wish everyone a great weekend and I will be back to post on Monday!

No egg timer yet

2008-03-27T05:50:00.002-05:00

I ended up not buying that egg timer yesterday. I actually worked from 445am to 1pm, the girl that works the 10-1 shift had to take her little girl to the doctor. I couldn't refuse to cover her shift, you could hear the little girl crying in the background when she called. Heartbreaking, fever-based cry.

So, basically, I went straight from work to picking up Chris to having an early dinner to doing laundry to watching Battlestar Galactica.

I did take out the recycling though and Chris called the property management place to get our dishwasher fixed! We suspect the garbage disposal line is backing up into the dishwasher.Ew. I know! The dishes are coming out covered in little particles and we were practically washing the dishes beforehand because we just thought the dishwasher didn't drain very well. Anyways, that will be a big help in the keeping things clean area. Because otherwise we have to do it by hand, which is fine and how we did it in Austin, but at least in Austin we had a drain stopper thingy and the kitchen wasn't laid out where if you are standing at the sink, your elbow hits the fridge. Seriously.

So. What's new?

I have been having slight, minor anxiety attacks when I think of the presidential race. It's just gonna get uglier. Not only between Hil and Barack, but between whoever wins and McCain. And I just don't wanna see it play out. But at the same time, I do. I don't know where this is going except to say, I gotta get ready for some serious cringe action in the upcoming months.

I think I might buy the egg timer today.

Laziness

2008-03-26T06:33:00.003-05:00

I think that is what it comes down to. I think Chris and I motivate each other in the area of laziness. We get home and the only thing we want to do is sit on the couch together. It doesn't help, either, that when one of us gets the cleaning bug, the other one is very tired and unmotivated.

Today, though, I am going to try something new. I think I might buy an egg timer and when we get home, set it for 15 or 20 minutes and pick one area to work on. When the timer is up, then we can go back to being lazy. But for those 15 minutes, we will have to clean. Do dishes, put away clothes, take out the trash. And really, when you think about it, 15 minutes is not that long of a time. The trick will be to do it right when we get home, BEFORE we sit on the couch. Once we sit on that stupid futon (which makes you sink lower and lower, horrible for the posture) we are gone. Gone into the land of I-just-wanna-sit-here-and-stare land.

And if we do 15 minutes of cleaning, picking up every day, then our mess will be lighter and lighter until we are just spot cleaning, right?

I will let you know how it goes tomorrow. Of course it is 630 in the morning and I might very well forget by tonight. Oh, you make me...promises, promises...

How do you get stuff done when you are feeling lazy? Maybe you don't feel lazy? Maybe you are already super neat to begin with and in that case, I stick my tongue out at you.

I would love some tips, encouragement and rude gestures if you got some!

Six word sentence

2008-03-25T06:25:00.002-05:00

From a healthy living blog, I saw this challenge: create a 6 word sentence for yourself describing your life as of now.

I thought of mine and it's great:
I'm on the right path now.

It does it all: motivation, reassurance, calming and looks toward the future. I can keep walking forward, I can keep moving because I am on the right path!

Yesterday was a rough day. I wonder if I set myself up for it by posting a sad, melancholy blog. I know it didn't seem that sad as I was just reminiscing, but it felt so sad to me. It felt heavy on my heart.

I went home after work and slept. I read all sorts of articles on the computer. I waited for Chris to get home. Then we ate dinner and we sat around more. So, I am trying to view yesterday as a recovery from the weekend day. A recovery from the energy-sucking drama that is going on at the winery, WHERE I NO LONGER WORK!

Saturday was my last day!
And some of my favorite people made a cake for me and came to wish me farewell! It was so sweet, I wanted to cry. The cake was yummy but I had to give most of it away because I knew if we took it home, I would eat the whole thing and that would be bad. Crisis avoided, whew.

But, like I said, I am trying to not feel guilty about not doing any schoolwork, housework or bodywork yesterday. It was a recovery day.

And today! Today I feel strong, I feel confident and productive. I will work towards getting caught up at school. I will work out. I will eat healthier. I will smile!

Eleven years and still it breaks my heart.

2008-03-24T06:27:00.003-05:00

On a gorgeous Sunday day, eleven years ago, my grandfather passed away.

I can't believe it has been 11 years.

Ten years seemed like a huge milestone. Did I think it would stop at ten? Did I not realize that there would be an 11, 15, 25, 53, etc...

It's funny how time fragments and breaks itself up in our minds.

But a part of me will always be 16, on that clear and bright spring day, saying good-bye to papa, watching my family break down and wondering how we will ever be the same.

While the actual day he died was gorgeous, the funeral was misty and cold. Unusually cold for the end of March. I had the UIL contest play that morning and someone, I don't remember who it was, drove me from Burnet right after the performance for the funeral. It was a late in the day funeral and I made it just in time. Walking up to the open casket in front of a church packed with people was a mistake. Open caskets, in my view, are mistakes. Maybe they are just mistakes for the young who can't imagine being old, let alone lifeless.

I don't remember much afterwards about the funeral. I remember my brother, who was about 8 ot 9, sobbing loudly in the church. I remember my friend Devon, who I saw after the service, wearing a short sleeve red dress and thinking "She must be freezing". I remember some guy from my school playing taps on his trumpets.

But I remember Papa most of all and that is good. I remember the fishing hook he wore in his hat. I remember his crude humor, flippin' his false teeth out at us. I remember how when I went to town with him, it seemed like everybody knew him and talked to him. I remember mornings before school, hanging out with my dad at Papa's office (he was the Justice of the Peace) with Papa's cronies and the smell of coffee.

And I have wishes too. I wish he could have met my husband, Chris. I think he would have enjoyed Chris' humor and probably would have found some endearing (and offensive for those who don't know him) nickname.

Sorry this post seems so sad. Really it is just nostalgic which at times can be very sad.

************************************************************************************

On a different note, I have some friends putting on a play that has received rave reviews. The play is called Penetrator and is playing at the Hideout Theatre.

The really cool thing? It's only 15 dollars to see a critically acclaimed, intense, thought-provoking play.

Sleepy head

2008-03-21T06:02:00.002-05:00

Although this job has been great for me since I am off by 10am everyday, the getting up at 4am is really beginning to get to me. I work best mid-morning to late afternoon and then have another energy burst from 5pm to at least 10pm. So it's hard for me to get to sleep and take short naps after I get off from work.

One really awesome thing though, getting up at 6am will be a piece of cake after I leave this job in April. Why 6am? Because I need to get on some sort of schedule so I will be ready when I start my internship and plus, while I am in Austin, I will still have homework to do and working out to do. Those two actually take up a lot of time. Working out takes at least an hour (and that's if I hurry) and studying at least takes me to two and that is a brief study session.

I went through pictures from my past yesterday. I thought I had more, but apparently not. I was hoping to see more pictures of my early 20s but I didn't have a camera and digitals I think were just coming out, so there are few photos from that time of my life. Which makes me sad and relieved. Sad because from 19-21 I looked hot. Relieved because from 21-23 I was in hell and probably it would have reflected it in the pictures.

But I did find some awesome ones from my high school days that I intend to scan this weekend, so I can not only send them to my WHS Class of 99 myspace but also can post them on here for you. If you are lucky, you can see pictures from when I was a little girl. I was super cute.

There's something about pictures. I love! looking through people's photo albums. I think it says a lot of where people have been with people they love and how they have transformed over the years. Plus, I love the physical transformations people go through and seeing if they have changed a lot from their younger years.

I wonder, if we had digital cameras in high school, would I have more pictures or would they have been lost on some computer somewhere?

Um.

2008-03-20T06:18:00.002-05:00

Hello.

Well, I am at a loss today.

Nothing really interesting going on.

Well...there is some drama at the winery I work at sometimes here in north Texas, but since I work there ever once in a while and this is officially my last week to help out there, I am not concerned.

I do feel sorry for some of the employees there because they work so hard and they are getting screwed. Basically, the boss has set up this cash drawer count down system that punishes you for little mistakes. It doesn't matter if it's your first mistake either.

Look. Let me tell you, from the experience of 6 years of working as a cashier at Whole Foods, everybody will make a mistake at one point. And if there is a problem, then you track the problems and deal with them as they arise. You don't punish your loyal employees by making them take cash from their own pocket to balance the till.

If you are that concerned about it, Mr. Winery Owner, then you need to 1)actually train your employees that you hire; 2)have someone who will be held responsible for the drawer the only one messing with the register and 3) treat your employees with respect.

That's right. I said it. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Like the song. Com'on, you know how it goes, I see your shoulder starting to move to the rhythm.

Anyways, because of the pressure and hostile work environment he has created, there is now conflict between some of the employees. But that was bound to happen since some of them are just waiting for drama. Some are just drawn into it as well. They like repeating things, they like texting instead of dealing issues face to face. What can I say? We all know people like that.

But I am not involved! Yay! And by blogging about it here does not mean I am talking about people behind their back, I would say all these things to anybody if they asked or really ticked me off. But for this week, my last week there, I am going to keep my mouth shut, enjoy the quaintness of the downtown McKinney square and serve the wine I really don't like very much.

There and back again

2008-03-18T06:10:00.003-05:00

So, I took the train down to Austin last Wednesday. I meant to take my camera so I could chronicle the journey and post them here, but guess what I forgot at home? That's right, the camera! Augh!

So the trip down was long. Basically, most of the time, freight trains have the right-of-way over passenger trains in America. So, if you meet one on the tracks when there is only one line, the passenger trains waits, sometimes for an hour, for the freight train to go by. Lame! I think passengers, ie humans, should take precedent over cargo. If the train was faster and more on time, maybe people would ride it more often and then Amtrak wouldn't be in such financial trouble. But I don't know all the details, so I can't give any theories on how this problem should be solved yet.

Anyways, I arrived in Austin and worked at Whole Foods from Thursday to Sunday. Thursday was my one SXSW music festival fun night. I rode downtown with Ginny and we met up with Joy G and Molly at a Dewar's sponsored event in a parking garage. There was free dewars/ginger brew drinks and you know I was all over that. But we were there for a while and rode back home, so basically I was only dehydrated when I got home that night. (It didn't help that I ran that morning at town lake, worked over 8 hours at whole foods and then rode downtown! Hello! Bring on the water, please)

Friday night was girl's night with Bethany and Amelia. And we had fun! Tired and very, very low-key fun.

Saturday I tried to re-create Thursday night but I was dependent upon other people and all my plans fell through. At one point, I was standing with my bike at the corner of 6th and Red River, watching all the punk, hipster, emo, goth, and preppies go to their designated places. Seriously, who dresses in a short dress with high heels downtown during SXSW?

Anyways, I ended up taking the bus home Sat night because I couldn't meet up with my friends. I was a little annoyed at first, but I should have planned better so I wouldn't have had to rely on them when they didn't know about it to begin with. So I got over it.

It was good I went home early on Sat because I had to work at 730am at Whole Foods the next day. Afterwards, I met up with mom and sister at the Y and we worked out for a bit before going to my parent's house for a family dinner. It was me, my siblings and my parents. I can't remember the last time we all sat down to a dinner together. It was fun!

I got to meet my brother's new pup, Jesi, who is so adorable and well behaved! I wanted to steal her, but it was obvious from the way she was staring lovingly at my brother who she really wanted to go home with.

So the train ride home was awesome! We didn't have to wait for any freight trains and we actually arrived 10 minutes early in Dallas, where Chris was waiting for me.

I missed that guy.

Official

2008-03-11T06:55:00.007-05:00

After this semester, I technically just have one more class I have to take at Grayson County College, my internship.

I sent my resume off to several wineries, mainly in the Hill Country since we are planning on moving back to Austin. I sent resumes to Becker, Texas Hills Vineyards, Driftwood Vineyards and finally, to Mandola's Estate Winery.

I talked to Mark Penna yesterday. He said I could do my internship there!

YES!

Now let me tell you how much this rocks.

(goodlifemag.com)

First, Mark Penna is one of the top winemakers in the state of Texas. This man knows what he is doing, especially after working at St. Genevieve.

He also works with the college I am attending in teaching some of their outreach seminars.

Second: Mandola's Estate Winery.

It's a young winery and vineyard out near my beloved hometown of Wimberley.

Since the vines are young, I will get good training in pruning and trellising of young vines. The cellar operation is huge as well. I can't tell you how big this place is, you will have to come and see it. Everything looks to be state of the art and it has a very clean, fancy laboratory where I will be spending a lot of time as well doing analyses.

The building is gorgeous! The winery is right next to the restaurant, which serves Italian food, of course.

In the meantime, I am planning on increasing the weight training part of my workouts. I have been doing a lot of cardio but when I start my internship, I will be starting during harvest and almost during the hottest part of the year. So I will need to be able to lift heavy loads and a lot of them. I will also need to be able to stand for long periods without being able to stop and eat. I found these energy gel packs that would do perfectly in helping me to get by on little to no food for a while.

I also need to get some serious, heavy duty pants. Probably something like Carhartt pants.

You know, something that's all cotton. I can't have any polyester in it because it wouldn't be breathable. But it also needs to be durable enough to withstand a lot as I will be working with chemicals, cutting equipment, tractors, etc...Hopefully, they will have something in my size.

Anyways, so here's the plan thus far:
I am going into Austin tomorrow via Amtrak. I am excited about taking the train, I plan on reading and doing some crocheting (I am so far behind). Then I am going to a play when I arrive, I hope my train is not late!

I will be in Austin until Monday and I take the train back into Dallas.

Then I will work for four more weeks here at the gym before moving back to Austin and working at Whole Foods for the last two weeks in April and all through May and June. Chris will be moving to Austin in June as soon as his school gets out. Since I will be going back to Sherman every weekend in April because of classes and workshops, we will probably be moving in increments.

Then, sometime in July, I will start my job at Mandola's.

Hopefully, Chris will find a job either at a school or otherwise.

So, of course, this is likely to change, but this is what it looks like right now.

I am so excited to be coming home soon.

Snowplay

2008-03-06T18:11:00.005-06:00

This happened on Monday night:

By Wednesday, we were back in short pants and ready for spring.

THEN...

...the MOTHER LOAD...

Thursday, during the day, snow flakes fell down as big as a mermacrabicorn's
eye.

I was at the gym when the snowfall started. By the time I got out to my car, the snow had piled up about an inch on my windshield and roof. I jumped in the car, frantic because I had never seen snow this big before or coming down this hard before. It really freaked me out. I called my mom "I think I am in a blizzard!" I yelled into the phone. Before long, I was on the road, carefully driving through slush and getting to know the grinding noise of my brakes when they clogged with ice. I peeled out, I swerved, and after making a circle around Albertson's, I pulled in to buy the essentials on a snowy-movie-snuggle-with-the-husband night: wine and pizza.

I wrapped my new shawl around my head (so my hair wouldn't get snowed upon and therefore, wet) and ran inside and out in less than 5 minutes. It was still snowing heavily when I started the car again, already covered in snow that I had to knock off the windows.

This time, I barely made it home in under an hour even though I was only 2 miles away. Cars were slipping and sliding all over the place and it seems like if they got stuck, they would spin their tires for a while and then give up. I got home just as the traffic outside our house was really piling up. You see, we are on a hill. So manymanymany cars would make it halfway up only to stop because of intersecting traffic and then not get the momentum to start back up again.

Well, I got home and called Chris, who had ridden his bike to work. "Are you dressed warm?"

"yes"

"Good, don't get a ride you won't be home for hours. Walk home. I will meet you halfway."

So I bundled up. I put on my new jeans, thick wooly socks, a long sleeved shirt, a wool sweater, Chris' army jacket with a thick lining he got from his dad, my thick red scarf, a hat, my arm warmers and big thick gloves.

I didn't get cold at all. My legs were a little cold as my jeans got soaked from the snow, but I was so warm everywhere else, i didn't feel them.

On the way to meet him, I stopped at a gazebo near a middle school to rest and it looked like a good sheltered place to wait for Chris. There were about 5 middle school kids also hanging out there.

You guys, middle school kids crack me up. They are loud, obnoxious, don't have any manners, but they are cute nonetheless! They, of course, were all underdressed for the weather. It was only in the 50s when they went to school. And since I was sweating, I loaned one my gloves, another my hat and my scarf to another little thing. I waited for about 20 minutes and after most of the little freezing balls of energy left (I got my accessories back), I started again to meet with Chris.

And I busted it. Like I slipped on a banana peel, one leg went up and I landed right on my ass. I laughed. It was fun.

Chris was right up the road and we went home.

After eating the pizza and warming back up with some wine, we put on the ski clothes my parents had loaned us with some hats and scarves and went back out to play in the snow.

First, though, we introduced Lucy to the snow.

She was not impressed.

We got Brandy and went out with the intentions to build a snowman...except our gloves were wet from the walk and we weren't wearing any.

You guys! Snow is cold! After about 30 seconds we abandoned the snowman idea because I couldn't feel my hands.

We had a snowball fight, with breaks to warm our hands, and we pranced around with Brandy, she is totally built for the snow. I mean, we know she is part Husky, but the reason why she trots makes sense now.

Now we are drinking dark chocolate cocoa and will be searching the internet for movies/shows to watch. Sigh, I wish I had my Battlestar Galactica...

Book reviews and movie castings

2008-03-06T06:14:00.009-06:00

I listened to this book during one of my trips to Austin and several trips to McKinney.

It's a weird story to summarize so I am using someone else's description:

A novel by Audrey Niffenegger, it is an unconventional love story that centers on a man with a strange genetic disorder that causes him to unpredictably time-travel and his wife, an artist, who has to cope with his frequent absences and dangerous experiences. In this book, unlike many other time travel stories, it is not possible to change the past or future.
(from Wikipedia)

That's the simple explanation. It's a love story. Or as one customer said to me at Whole Foods a long time ago when I told him I like Kingsolver, "Oh, chick books". At first, I was offended when he said that but then I thought, "Yeah, chick books! Of course, HE would scorn it. He's a guy! There's no way he'd understand!" and then I felt like I was apart of a secret club and that made me feel better.

I digress.

During the first half of the book, I couldn't stop thinking about it! I loved it. I laughed, cried, laughed and then cried some more.

Then the rhythm changed. Some of the characters started acting differently without explaining why. Then we find out more about certain character's past and future, actually, and it's mind boggling and not in a good way. More like a WTF? sort of way.

It did end on a nice, hopeful note...if not a little sad.

I was totally let down by the first 1/3 of the last half, then it got a little better towards the very end. But it still pulled at my heart strings and made me a bit mad in the way it ended, which some people (ahem, Audrey) might have wanted.

I guess in certain books I want to escape. I mean, that's why I read fiction right? If I wanted depressing, sad stories I would read some non-fiction or poetry, right? Or I would stay away from Nicholas Sparks, who likes to end all his books with a "ohhh...no!" moment. But I know to stay away from certain authors when I don't want something depressing.

But I didn't know with TTW! It said love story. It started off so strong and loving!

Then it reached in, Simpsons style, and pulled out my heart. "Oh you won't be needing this!" (After a long time searching, I am sorry to say I couldn't find a picture of that moment...)

And that made me kind of mad.

So, then I find out they are making the book into a movie! And now that I have been forewarned and have already survived the first telling of the story, I am looking forward to the Hollywood version of it!

Except for one thing:

I don't think Rachel McAdams is right for the part. She's too cute. Clare is sophisticated and grace embodied. Clare has to deal with major emotional drama of falling in love with her husband when she was a little girl, meeting him in her 20s (and his first time meeting her) and then waiting for him each time he time travels. Not only that but this character really wants a baby which is hard to do when your husband has a genetic dis-order that causes him to time-travel (meaning it's passed on to the baby). I am afraid McAdams, although cute and a decent actress, won't be able to portray the subtleties Clare discusses in the book, which is hard anyways to translate to the screen.

But I found a Clare!

Behold. Mirando Otto.

Also, if it were up to me, I would totally make this film end happier and I would cast Mirando Otto as Clare. I mean, just look at this woman! And I should know who to cast since I have done nothing but think about that book since I finished it a month ago.

So, I would recomend this book, but be warned! It will make you cry! And it's true, it IS a love story, but a freakin' SAD love story!

A letter to my body

2008-03-03T06:45:00.002-06:00

So through one of my favorite blogs, poshdeluxe.com, I found another one: comradegogo. And through comradegogo.com I found numerous other blogs about getting and staying in shape. Most of them are about life-changing weight loss and that person's struggle in achieving it, maintaining it and the emotional aspects of going from overweight to in shape. They are all really great and motivating!

At one, Back in Skinny Jeans, it recommended writing a letter to your body. As a way of discovering and getting in touch with what might be holding you back.

So,(deep breath) here goes:

Hi Bod,

Thank you. Thank you so much for putting up with the emotional ups and downs I take you on. Thank you for not having my back give out completely from all the time I spent in bed under the covers. Thank you for keeping my cholesterol and blood pressure at a healthy level even as I stuffed you full of bad food and barely got my heart rate beyond resting at all.

That's a tremendous feat, now that I look at it from that point of view. I ingested sweets, pasta, lots of alcohol, cigarettes, other drugs and still you stayed reasonably healthy. Kudos to you, bod!

On that note, I am sorry. I truly am sorry for doing all those things to you, when all you wanted was to be taken care of with the respect and attention you deserve.

As I said to you the other day, I'm trying. It's going to take a little while because sometimes you get cranky at me when I get all gung-ho about working out and eating healthy. I understand. It's my fault, I trained you for almost 4 years to expect a certain kind of treatment from me.

So, I understand why my right knee hurts when I run. I would hurt too if someone forced me to live in an un-healthy manner and then run with too much weight on my back. I understand.

I also understand why sometimes you just crave to eat a whole pint of ice cream. I rarely give it to you anymore and it doesn't help that our skinny, high-metabolism husband needs to eat fattening foods and usually around us. I want our skinny, high-metabolism husband to eat more. I will try. But you gotta try too, no more of this low blood sugar act you have been doing the past year. I promise I will try to react to those moments with good snacks, apples and peanut butter...I know you like the sound of that snack, right?

Let's make a pact. I will try to take care of you and you will support me. I will buy new jogging shoes to help with the knee pain, I will try to cut out the sweets that only make you crave more (hey I understand! It's chemistry!), I will try to be encouraging and make sure your heart beats strong and true and you get at least 15 minutes of sunshine (with sunscreen on you, of course!).

You, in return, will try to heal the knee like I know you can. You will also relax at night and sleep better. You will remain calm and in control during stressful or low blood sugar moments.

I think we both know that we're in this together. Everything I do, helps you to help me to help you...etc...

Thank you again for hanging in there with me, bod. You are gorgeous, strong and loved.

Love,
Me

Review

2008-02-28T06:17:00.002-06:00

It's quiet up here at the gym this morning (with the exception of the gym music). Thus, I just reviewed almost all my posts since I started this blog almost four years ago.

It's interesting to see how I have and have not grown.

We still have financial issues, I still freak out, I still rant and rave, I still have anger issues with a certain ex, we are still not neat-freaks.

But I am hiding in my bed anymore, I am dealing with my problems, I am in school and completing courses, our relationship is stronger and getting stronger, I value my friendships even more.

I can't wait to move back to Austin though. I feel like this chapter of my life here in Sherman was not easy but at least it's short.

8 things

2008-02-27T10:18:00.002-06:00

8 Things I'm Passionate About:
1) my loved ones
2) nature
3) wine
4) health
5) mental health disorders
6) DIY projects
7) crafting
8) food

8 Things I Want to do Before I Die:
1) read a book my husband has written and one that Ann has written
2) live on a farm/ranch, sustainable as possible
3) make my own wine
4) make my own cheese
5) travel to New Zealand, Spain, back to Italy
6) re-learn Italian and visit the family I stayed with in Italy
7) have a baby
8) get healthy and stay healthy

8 Things I Say Often:
1) I don't know
2) Thank you
3) Hello
4) Goodbye
5) I miss you
6) Oh please
7) Does that make sense?
8) You know what I mean?

8 Books I've Read Recently:
1) His Dark Materials trilogy
2) Tom Robbins
3) Cider House Rules
4) The Time-Traveler's Wife (listened to it via audiobook)
5) Harry Potter
6) ...
7) ...
8) ...

8 Songs I Could Listen to Over and Over:
1) Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley
2) Fields of Devon by Alex Dupree
3) Iron and Wine, Jezebel
4) I don't know the name of it by Sufjan Stevens
5) I Feel Good by James Brown
6) Oh What a Beautiful morning by Ray Charles
7) Can't Stop the Beat by Junior Senior
8) ...I made it this far...ummm...that one song sung at Mosaic, it's an old spiritual...

8 Things that Attract me to my best friends:
1) sense of humor ranging from goofy to wit and banter
2) honesty and the ability to tell the truth in each other
3) sense of community and understanding of its importance
4) willingness and understanding of life-long friendships
5) similar interests
6) all of their numerous gifts they offer to the world
7) acceptance
8) loyalty

Staring

2008-02-21T14:33:00.002-06:00

Today is gray. The sky is gray, the pavement, the grass, the drizzle and the steam rolling off the road. It's all gray. Even the music as I sit here in the "cafe" at Hastings is gray, alternating between a lonesome, heartbroken girl songs to sad Christian music.

I stare at the papers and books in front of me. I read a sentence, but not really. I glance over the sentences, not really ingesting them as glossing them over with my eyes.

I sigh.

I re-read about sugar in juice and wine. I re-read about how refractometers work (the light beam changes directions when going through a different medium, like say sugar and water from the juice of a grape) and hydrometry (where the density of the sugars in juice/wine is compared to the density of sugar in a solution, a weight to weight ratio).

I re-read about the lab procedure I failed to do yesterday because I needed details and I was too lazy and out of it just to do the calculations myself and change the procedure up a bit.

Today is gray. My mind is gray.

I guess associate gray with the lack of feeling, numbness. I am trying to numb part of myself today because I forgot to pack a lunch, forgot my money and forgot that Chris was taking the car, meaning I have to hang out in this shopping center until 330. If I can numb and not move a lot, then maybe I can numb the hunger pains and the spacey feeling I get when my blood sugar is low.

Thus, this melancholy blog.

I apologize, I will try to post something of a more upbeat nature very soon.

Until then, I am going to resume watching steam rise.

Hiking is good for the soul...

2008-02-11T15:00:00.000-06:00

There is this hiking trail near our house called the Cross Timbers Trail. It even has primitive camping sites along the way, which is awesome and as soon as we retrieve our bags, sleeping bags and gas stove from my grandmother's storage shed, we are all over that trail. Thus far, we have just been day trippers, hiking about 2.5 miles of the 14 mile long trail.

We had some trouble locating the trailhead on our first visit, so we have really covered the first 2.5 miles of the trail and then probably mile 5 to 6.5. On our first visit, we jumped in at the Marina instead of the trailhead. I thought there would be a road going from the marina to the trailhead...I was wrong. Well, the maps I found haven't been too helpful:

I know. And the one I found online wasn't that helpful either.

But despite that little snag, this trail is a gem! The trail is rugged, follows along the edge of a cliff for the first part and has frequent inclines to build up a good sweat and make you savor the top of the hill.

Watch out Chris!

As you can see there are dangers as the trail crumbles away. (No Chris's were harmed in the shooting of this picture)

Brandy also savors living on the edge:

But after you get used to it, the view is fantastic.

After the cliff parts, the trail veers away and wanders more inland.

And there were lots of spots to sit on the beach and eat a picnic, which is exactly what we did. And I thought about summertime when we can get in the water and swim in a little cove, away from motor boats!
Here's me, thinking about swimming:

And overall, this is a fun, free, healthy way to spend a Sunday off. I can't wait for Spring to see the foliage come alive on the trail, although there are some cool reds, fushcias and purples left over:

We all get a good healthy workout as well as enjoying nature from a different part of Texas.
**********************************************************************************
Subject Change

Alicia's Store: Harts N Crafts

This is the store that is selling my arm warmers:

It is super cute. Again if you are in Waco, stop by! Tell Alicia I said hi! And buy things from her! Like arm warmers!

Oh, and from this store, came our little kitty Lucy. Here is a picture of her mother and some extended family:

Lucy's mama is the tortoise shell one with the white paw. She looks just like Lucy except she is bigger.

Also, Lucy is in heat. We haven't gotten her fixed yet and then we forgot and now she is moaning and mewing all around the house, she sounds like a demented child-ghost...it's creepy. So, we are going to be researching into low cost spay clinics around the area. The one pricing we did get from a vet was unbelievably high, they even wanted her to come in and "meet" the doctor, a doctor-patient visit and charge us for it, of course. GMAB, guys, she is a CAT. She won't remember you doc. Just do a little snip-snip so I don't have to listen to her howl and watch her walk around with her butt up in the air!

Sheesh.

2008

2008-02-08T09:36:00.001-06:00

This has been a rough year thus far.

There's the not being in our beloved community issue. Money issue. House issues. Money issues. Did I mention that one already?

I am surviving, but I am wondering how much more I can actually take before I switch off and crawl into bed, trying to escape? I mean, it really is one thing after the other. If it's not the electrical, it's Molly's TV while the electrical is being fixed! If it is not rent, it's the two other bills I forgot about! If it's not financial aid issues, it's school supply issues.

I mean, thanks God for helping me conquer depression at the moment, but good God, why are you testing me so? I feel like Job. Except without the boils and sitting on a pile of ashes. And I know there are those who are a lot worse off than I am. I mean, there are people who don't even have a roof or anything to eat. And while I always know we will better off than most, I still can't help but feel rained upon with problems until I feel like I am about to drown.

What do you do when things take a turn for the worse? I was hoping to get held by my husband when I got back from my trip to the vineyard, but he was sick and he was the one who needed attention.

At first, I was so numb I couldn't even feel. I couldn't cry. I just forged on. Then another piano dropped on our heads and I cried furiously.

I just needed to vent. I don't have any girlfriends up this way and I am just horrible on the phone.

We will be all right, I know this, but I feel better getting it off my chest.

So, today I am working from 445AM to 2PM. A long shift. I also forget to bring enough to eat with me. I will just have to deal with that when 1230pm rolls around. Then tomorrow I am working 9-3pm, going into the winery and doing some homework with the equipment there, and then working 6-1230am. At least I will get to sleep in tomorrow.

Sunday is our day off together. If we make enough cash on Saturday, then we will drive about 30 minutes towards the lake to go hiking again. If we don't make enough cash to cover the drive, then we maybe we will just play bocce at the park...that's free!

I also plan on cleaning the house Sunday. I think that will help me feel better and more productive around the house. I need to finish a co-worker's arm warmers and get started on some other projects. Mainly I want to re-learn how to sew and learn how to use the serger. I want to make some cute aprons to put in Alicia's store.

If you are ever in the Waco area, you have to go check out her store: Harts N Crafts.
It's awesome. There are so may cute gift ideas. Here is a poster illustrated by Alicia's husband, Aaron Sacco:

So, that's a good note to end this post.

Like I said, we will be fine. I just needed to rant a little bit. Thanks for reading.

Hi there! Hellooooo...are you still there?

2008-01-30T16:38:00.000-06:00

Lucy, our kitten, sleeps in her bed while we are at work.

Heart arm cozy for Harts N Crafts! yay!

Another arm warmer, a little more 80's style.

On a very cold, clear day, we went to the park to play bocce. It was fun and we were cute.

We went on a hike for New Year's Eve day. It was windy. And prairie-ish.

Yes yes I know.

So, to the good stuff:

We did not go to Dallas for my birthday. It was canceled due to the host getting sick. But he is doing better now and promises to make it up to me.

Things are...well, going strong. Sometimes.

Our house is being poopy. The wiring is going all crazy. So we are scrambling to get people out there to look at it while wondering how we are going to pay for it. Home equity loan land is now where we are heading.

School is going all right, I am having a little trouble adjusting since most of my classes are online, I have to be very strict about making "school time" for myself. This past week I have made huge improvements in that department.

I like my new job. Even the getting up at 4am isn't that bad anymore. I just wish I was making a little bit more money and working a little bit more. But it is what it is. And I can always pick up shifts at the winery, which I am doing this weekend.

I am working this weekend to cover my loss of two day's work this upcoming week. I am going to Spicewood to get a pruning lesson with (hopefully) my future employers and the state ag specialists who happens to be a woman AND a graduate of Fresno State, where I want to go. So, not only do I get to learn how to prune, but I get to do some networking as well.

I have been making arm warmers lately. I am hoping to sell them in my friend Alicia's store. Already I have some custom orders. I hope that brings in a little extra money too.

So. That's that. What January was like for me. There were some rough days, I won't lie. Those days I stayed in bed and tried to sleep away my problems. But then I remembered months wasted of my life spent like that. And I got up. And I am dealing with my problems and situations.

And I have been working out.

Books

2008-01-11T05:48:00.000-06:00

Book Tag

Ann tagged me to fill out this list and I know if I don't, I will never hear the end of it from her. So, Ann, this is for you:

1. One book that changed your life:

The Red Tent, The Poisonwood Bible, Feeling Good by David Burns

2. One book that you’ve read more than once:

To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee, The Poisonwood Bible, Harry Potter

3. One book you’d want on a desert island:

Encyclopedia Set

4. Two books that made you laugh:

Almost anything by Tom Robbins

Cider House Rules (laugh and cry)

5. One book that made you cry:

The Red Tent by Anita Diamant

6. One book that you wish had been written:

The one in Chris' mind...(It might be written someday!)

7. One book that you wish had never been written:

Any book that spews hate and lies against people with different beliefs.

8. Two books you’re currently reading:

Cider House Rules - Irving (re reading it)

...

9. One book you’ve been meaning to read:

A lot of them.

10. Now tag five (or so) people:
Chris
Jennifer D.
Erin
Bill
myself (in the blogging world of myspace)

Happy New Year!

2008-01-01T11:53:00.000-06:00

Another year has begun. Another fabulous holiday was spent with family and friends. It was eventful, fun and full of awesome loot!

But now, there is another event coming up to think about: my birthday. I will be 27 this year. One step closer to 30, which I am looking forward to because maybe by then I will have my sh*t together. Who knows?

Anyways, here is my wish list for my birthday! I, of course, don't require presents. But they are gratefully accepted nonetheless.

Mainly books:
General Viticulture by AJ Winkler-- one can get this used for about 35 bucks at Amazon.com
(I don't really care about its condition, it doesn't have to be pristine)

Sunlight into Wine by Richard Smart

a bottle of wine

cash monies

OR a gift card to Origins or Sephora, I need some really good moisturizer and eye cream stuff since I am, after all, approaching 30 and I need some new make up powder.

Ok.

That's it.

Now for the celebration part: we will be in Dallas for the weekend of my birthday, a friend is renting a suite in downtown Dallas for us that weekend. So you have a couple of choices, you can either come up on Friday night and celebrate at the Ghost Bar with us OR meet us for a brunch or lunch in downtown Dallas on Saturday. Or maybe even for Sunday brunch.

I love brunch.

ANyway, keep in touch either by email, snail mail or phone! I would love to see all my loved ones for my birthday weekend!

Much love,
michelle

Winding up, winding down

2007-12-06T08:35:00.000-06:00

Hello.

The last week of the semester is upon me. I have a couple of major lessons still to complete and one more final (in the lecture part of chemistry) and then I am done for this semester!

This has been a major accomplishment. I haven't been a full time student and completed a semester since 2002. That is a long time ago. So, I feel proud that I stuck with it, while working 25 hours a week, and I might be making all A's as well.

And I am tired. But more frustrated due to the lack of organization on the viticulture/enology program here at the school. The spring schedule is still not out yet and I still don't know if all the classes I am taking here will even transfer to Fresno. But I must keep with it. I started it.

Things have been a little rough for me this past week. I am still functioning, like getting work done, working out, going to work...but I have been feeling 'off' and I think it's my same old haunts trying to resurface. But thanks to De, my wonderful counselor, I can live with it when it tries to rear its ugly head. And if I keep moving, then it will eventually go away. So, I just need to keep getting things done, get some sunshine and workout and I will be fine.

I know it's trying to resurface, not only from my feeling of being off, but also from a dream I had last night. I don't recall the dream in its entirety, but what I do remember is waking up in my dream and looking at the side of the bed and seeing a dark, fog-like substance, floating and twisting in the air. I knew it wanted to overtake me. I opened my mouth to scream,but nothing came out. Then I woke up.

I think that dark cloud represents my depression trying to fog up my life again. I think if I dream about it again, I will get up and walk away instead of trying to scream.

Action.

3 years

2007-10-23T12:31:00.000-05:00

Today is our third year wedding anniversary.

And it's gorgeous outside. Bah!

If you weren't there or don't remember, the actual day was balmy, around 80 degrees and the river was flooded about ten feet as it rained about 5 inches in 6 hours.

But regardless, during the ceremony the sun broke through the clouds for the first time during that day and since our ceremony was barely 3 minutes long, that was a small time frame for the sun to plan that...so, yeah...
The reception was fun, the food was great and the drinks were perfect (beer and wine, hello?)

And each month, each year I love Chris more and more. I guess it helps that I married my best friend.

*************************************************************************************

On a different note: the news about Dumbledore.

Obvious.

But not.

I think we get so tied up by our definitions and what they should mean, like homosexuality for instance. Does being gay automatically place you in a box where you have to act a certain way, talk a certain way, react a certain way. I think the term gay, along with a lot of other definitions, are limiting.

Dumbledore was Dumbledore. A great wizard, but also a human being with the abilities to fall in love with another human being, make mistakes and try to make up for those mistakes. That is essentially what he tells Harry at the end of Book Seven. He made a mistake in himself, he turned out to fall in love with someone of immense power and knowledge and when he realized that, he spent his life trying to correct that.

Anyways, I try to think about things like that when I put people into boxes. Like "Dallas People" for example. Whenever I get a really rude customer who is demanding at the winery, I automatically mutter the phrase "Dallas People" under my breath. I noticed a difference, generally speaking, in the way people up here treat those in the service industry as opposed to those in Austin.

But I shouldn't do that. It's not fair for those who are from Dallas that I either haven't met yet or know already and they are good people.

But I am human and my need for placing limits on people is reactionary.

*************************************************************************************

On a different note: I made a perfect score (100) on my chemistry test.

Then, I went into lab and (I feel like) I bombed my lab mid term. Funny uh?

Um, I rock.

2007-10-19T11:15:00.000-05:00

So, for two months I have been putting off getting my required textbook for my enology class because it was selling new for 180 dollars and used for a mere 120! And since the move wiped us out and we took a paycut in coming here with me working less, we are broke. All the time. Which is fine, except when you want a good glass of wine and your required textbooks for your classes. Gah.

Well, I finally scraped enough moola to send off for one I found on Amazon for 112. The payment went through and I put it out of my mind.

A couple of days later, I finally check my email to see the money had been debited back to our account and there was an email from the seller informing me he was very sorry, but he didn't see this cut in the book. If I still wanted it, he would sell it to me for 40 bucks, shipping included. The actual damage? None.

There is a cut. But it didn't go through the binding and you can't even see it. Other than that, it's practically brand new! For 35 bucks!

It arrived yesterday and I did a little dance. Because, you know, I rock.

Updated Christmas list

2007-10-18T13:50:00.000-05:00

For Chris:
Necessities:
*nice, button down shirts (sizes to come)
*nice work pants (again, sizes to come)
*dress socks

Fun stuff:
*fenders for his bike
*any bike accessory you can think of, just ask me first if he has it already or not
*one of those coffee grinders that you have to grind by hand! The good kind.

For Michelle:
*a hydrometer
*yarn
*a wine aroma kit (some of them are really expensive, I don't want those)
*books-- 10 Greatest Winemakers in America
From Vines to Wines by Jeff Cox
General Viticulture, 2nd ed., 1974 by A. J. Winkler
Field Guide to Diseases, Pests and Disorders of Grapes by Kelly, MacGregor, et al
How to Taste by Jancis Robinson
Viticulture, Volume I by Peter Dry, Brian Coombe
(Most of the books can be found at the UCDavis bookstore or on Amazon)

Labs

2007-10-18T13:37:00.000-05:00

Tuesday afternoons these days are spent in a chemistry laboratory (emphasis on the laBORatory because I am a geek). These labs, although somewhat confusing at times, tend to help shed alittle light on what we are studying in class. A little. Not often, but it happens. Stick with me.

This past Tuesday was the lab day from hell, however. And it wasn't only me it was affecting but my lab partner as well. For some reason, our heads were in the clouds. First, I had a caffeine headache that was growing worse by the minute and blinding me to anything in my peripheral vision. That sure didn't help during a very calculated lab procedure.

Two times we tried to complete this lab.

Two times we failed.

Many times we cursed.

Thus, we had to go to an extra lab to re-start and complete the lab today. Thursday...my supposedly short day of school.

One time we tried to complete this lab.

We succeeded and it was so easy, we cursed again for our ignorance, bad moods and headaches on Tuesday.

I took a test in the lecture part of lab that I feel pretty good about but I am a little afraid that I feel good about it because that means there might be a lot of little mistakes that could get the whole problem wrong. What if I worked it out correctly but marked it down wrong on the test? What if I failed to read one decimal place and that makes the whole problem off?

Do I sound like Hermione? Yes, yes I do.

Anyways, all I have to worry about now is getting caught up in my online course (I hate online courses!) which is my viticulture class, finishing my enology quiz for the next weekend class and studying for my chemistry lab exam. What?! Lab! Again!

Groan.

Life in Sherman...

2007-10-01T10:25:00.000-05:00

Well, we have been here almost two months now.

Sheesh.

Things are good. My classes are going well, although I am not on a regular studying schedule yet, but it's getting there.

Chris' job is going okay. I helped him grade some quizzes this morning and boy, oh boy, does he have his work cut out for him. Some of these kids have never had to work in class before and they are resistant to starting now.

The house is slowly coming to order. We don't have bookshelves or cases yet and all of our books are just lined up along our living room wall. It looks weird. There are still some boxes hanging around, waiting for us to go through them. I think we haven't yet because we still don't really feel like we live here, like this is home. Maybe we are not unpacking them as a subconscious decision that this will never be our home. Or, maybe we are just lazy.

While I am thinking about it though, here is an early version of our Christmas wish list: (and yes, I have already started gathering materials and ideas for your present)

For Chris:
Necessities:
nice, button down shirts (sizes to come)
nice work pants (again, sizes to come)
dress socks

Fun stuff:
fenders for his bike
any bike accessory you can think of, just ask me first if he has it already or not

For Michelle:
a hydrometer
a carboy
donations towards her school books
yarn
a wine aroma kit (some of them are really expensive, I don't want those)
books-- 10 Greatest Winemakers in America
From Vines to Wines by Jeff Cox
a fermentation lock

The list will be updated from now until Christmas. Also, any of those weird things for me can be found online or at any winemaking store.

Hope all is well with everybody!

Well.

2007-08-16T09:13:00.000-05:00

Hi there.

I just got back from trying to run around a small, natural lake at a park just outside of town. Today would have been my third day to do so. There was just one problem:

Spiders.

With each step I took, I inhaled, become wrapped in another web. Web after web after web. Pretty soon, I was a jogging, portable web catching little bugs as I trudged along the path.

Normally, I can handle some spider webs.

But this, this was just too much.

I couldn't take it.

So, I ran out of the woods as fast as I could, spitting and rubbing my arms the whole way. I looked like a mad woman. But I looked even worse as I was running along the path...I held my hand in front of me, occasionally waving it as I passed trees and high grasses, while spitting and sometimes rubbing my arms. Had someone come across me they would have thought I was either: 1) waving hi to them in a really weird way and for a really long time 2) praising our Lord Jesus Christ with a scowl/fear on my face as I ran or 3) telling them to stop while not looking at them and if they did, I would have run right by them, not realizing I was motioning for them to stop. I just didn't want to swallow anymore spiders!

I came back to the house, where a psycho kitty was running in circle and doing weird flips while a dog glared at me because I didn't take her to the freakin' park.

Well, Brandy honey, I am sorry but you are very old. Much older than me, technically, and you don't run anymore. Sorry. I want to get in shape, not stroll through the woods.

She really doesn't have much to complain about though because Chris and I take her on a walk every night after dinner. We shaved her last week so she must feel cooler. And she is the only dog in the household now, which must be nice for her. She only has one crazy animal to deal with now!

Lucy is fine. Cute and bored. Good God, that kitty is so bored. For the first two months of her life was spent in a household of kitties and cats. The next two months was spent in our house with one cat who adored her (although she pretended not to at first), three dogs and five people.

Now, sometimes, it is just her. All. Alone.

At first you could hear her crying. It was the saddest thing. But I think she has acclimated pretty well though as now she just ignores everyone and does her own thing. Pretty much like a normal cat will do.

I work at Spicewood this weekend, it's the Harvest Wine and Trail festival as well as our Grape Stomping fest as well as harvest time! Whew! A lot is going on. I work Saturday in the tasting room and Sunday I will be harvesting Semillion grapes in the morning, watching the destemming process for the last part of the picking and then running the tasting room until we close at 5pm.

I am excited. I love it.

Then, from Monday to Thursday, I am working at Whole Foods in Austin. Just to get a little padding for money. Moving expenses completely wiped us out. I had forgotten how much moving can cost. Next time, I will start saving for about six months so this doesn't happen again.

Luckily, I am on Seasonal status with the store so as long as I don't work 60 hours a month (I think), then I can work. So, I will be there working until Thursday, then Friday I have a dentist appointment and then Saturday I have my first class! I probably won't have the book yet (gots to wait for more money) but at least I can get started.

In the meantime, I have been trying to get the house situated, but that gets old fast and I end up playing on the computer for way too long, taking little naps or crocheting (which is good).

We have so much random stuff. I don't wanna say junk because most of it is not. It's just...well...random...and I have to find a place for it. And we gotta wait until we get a bookshelf before unloading the books. Poor things, they are just sitting in the boxes still.

Ok, I think I need to go to the library. Yeah...that's productive!

Bye.

Lazy

2007-08-09T12:42:00.000-05:00

Hi.

Umm...how are you?

Good! No, that's great...I'm glad to hear it.

Yeah, yeah, I am fine, doing great.

Look...no, you go first...no you...I insist...

Well, okay.

I'll just come right out and say it. I'm sorry. So sorry for not keeping in touch with you.

I know! June 28th was a long time ago and especially with so much going on, I am sure you wanted to know how we were.

I'm back. Back in the saddle. The blogging saddle, if you will.

Oh, you won't.

Then fine. I am just in the saddle.

But before I go on and update you with what's going on, will you ever forgive me?

(Waits patiently)

Sigh, thank you.

Now, onto business.

We are here in Sherman. Chris got a job with Sherman ISD as a high school math teacher. Good pay, great benefits, etc...I finally figured out the school schedule system at GCC and dropped her previous classes and is now signed up for Gen Chem I, PRIN of Vinology, Prin of Enology and Winegrowing Regions of the world.

The classes should be interesting. The vinology one is an internet class. The Enology and Winegrowing classes are done seminar style whereas one meets Fri/Sat once a month and the other meets the following Sat/Sun once a month. The program is designed so people with regular jobs can just travel to this area over a couple of weekends a month and still get credits.

Well, since I want to be as holistic as possible in my studies, I also signed up for Gen Chem and next semester I plan on taking at least another chem and maybe a math course. I want to see how this semesters works out first though. If it happens that I have a lot of time on my hands then I will go ahead and sign up for one more class next time.

I will be working part time somewhere though. I am even thinking about Starbucks. I have heard that they love former employees of Whole Foods because our training systems are similar and, well, Whole Foods team members rock! Plus, if I did get a job at Starbucks, they offer benefits for part time and maybe I could do that instead of being on Chris'. We'll have to see which one works out to be cheaper.

We have moved in, but we are not completely unpacked yet. Our books sit sadly in their boxes, waiting for when we can afford a bookshelf to put them on.

But the duplex is cute. The living room is our favorite part of the house because of the vaulted ceilings and great light. Brandy seems to like it here, we take her on walks a lot. And it's so much easier to ride on a bike in a small town, especially when you live so close to the downtown area. It took us 2 minutes to get downtown and to the library. Awesome.

Must run, Tom Robbins calls.
love,
Michelle

Cracked tomatoes

2007-06-28T11:08:00.000-05:00

At first, I praised the rain. I danced, laughed, gasped and held my breath as it poured down.

But that was about two weeks ago and the rain, maybe because of all the attention I gave to it, is still coming down.

For two years we don't get any rain and then we get two years of rain in one month.

My tomatoes are cracking, they don't know when to stop drinking the water and take in so much that their little fruits burst with watery-tomatoey substance. They look like they are smiling at me.

The situation on moving is moving along slowly. Chris has gotten a job offer with Sherman, but as it's not final yet (we are making it final on Monday), I won't blog about it like it's official yet. Just another step.

I have registered for classes. I am taking Gen Chem I, College Algebra, Geology and then a PE class because i just needed one more hour to be full time.

Work at Whole Foods is getting more tense as I am ready to be done working there. I"ve already checked out essentially...no pun intended, I guess.

Work at the vineyard is great! Everytime I go, I learn something new from Madeline, who is fabulous. I work there Friday, Sat and Sunday this week. And even though it's a drive aways, it's so worth it as I learn a lot and it refreshes me.

Packing and moving stinks. We haven't had to do this in about 3 years and we really enjoyed staying in one place. On the other hand, we have acquired so much junk that we have to purge lest we lug it around for years.

Must get ready for work now. Cheers,
Michelle

Updating...

2007-06-14T13:49:00.000-05:00

Hello to all. If you are reading this, then you are a loyal and dear reader and my apologies if you have visited this blog several times only to find no update. Sadness, I know.

There is a lot going on, however.

Chris and I are preparing to move. And it's driving me crazy. More on that later.

First, the move.

Yes, we will be moving to North Texas so I might be able to go to school in pursuit of my winemaking degree (technically called viticulture and oenology). The school is called Grayson County College and I feel like it will be a good step in the right direction for getting into schools on the west coast.

Chris is looking for a teaching position in the area. We visited the county college this past weekend and on Tuesday morning, Chris had a job interview at this itty bitty town called Collinsville. The population is about 1000 and the school is 1A, but it just might work out for us. I don't want to jinx it yet (I might have already with the way I have been talking about it). The town is about 25 minutes from the college and hopefully, we would live in the little town so Chris could just walk or ride his bike to school.

We have decided to rent out our house and hold onto to it for a couple of more years. Ginny will still be here and a good friend Molly is moving in in a couple of weeks. We hope over the next couple of years to do some more renovation to the house, thus increasing its appraisal. We'll see. Because the job where Chris interviewed wouldn't be the best of pay. Small schools just can't afford to pay much more than the state minimum (WHICH IS RIDICULOUSLY LOW FOR THOSE WHO ARE EDUCATING OUR YOUTH AND FUTURE, sorry, that topic gets me all riled up. I mean, come on!). So, we would be on a very tight budget and I might have to get a part time job to hold us over for the first year...but I am getting ahead of myself again.

See, this is what is driving me crazy. Since we don't know where Chris will be working, since we don't know what town we will be living in, since we don't know if we can even find a house to rent, since we don't know all this vital information, I am left to imagining scenarios that might leave me disappointed when the future works itself out in an entirely different way.

Gah.

Here is what I am imagining though:
*************************************************************************************
Chris and I lead a very solitude and more disciplined (not in the bad way) life. I go to school and study from 8-5 on the weekdays and Chris works from 730-430. We get home from our schools and do chores around the house, work in the garden out back, etc. We prepare dinner and eat. We go for a walk through the neighborhoods.

On the weekends, we sleep in a little, work around the house and garden, I make yogurt, cheese, bread and experiment with more canning and preserving. Sundays, we find a nice church to go to, maybe go out to eat somewhere. I study as needed.

Once a month, we head into Austin on a Friday night. And that weekend will be spent with friends, checking up on the house and fixing things as needed, and Sunday I will work at Whole Foods so I can use my discount card to buy food for the next month.

*************************************************************************************
See what I mean? I have this little life all planned out and this is what trips me up in the past. I plan out this little life in my head and when things happen at random or not according to plan, I have a hard time handling it.

So, for right now, I am trying to just get things ready for the move. Whenever, wherever, however that might look...this involves renting a storage unit, moving items into storage so Molly can move in. Putting some more bamboo floors down, packing, and mentally taking deep breaths so I don't freak out.

One of the obvious perks about moving to north Texas is we will be closer to Chris' family and hopefully, will see much more of them than we have in the past. One of the obvious sad things is we will be moving away from our friends and my family and will see much less of them than we have in the past.

You win some, you lose some.

And you try not to freak out.

Gah!

Back again.

2007-05-07T15:05:00.000-05:00

No, I haven't forgotten about you. No, I promise...well, things have been busy...wait! Don't leave, they have. I got a second job. Yes, I know you know about it though not the details...yes! yes! I will tell you the details. But first..can you ever forgive me for staying away so long?

The vineyard is the famous Spicewood Vineyards of the Texas Hill Country in Spicewood Texas. It is owned by Ed and Madeline Manigold who are very, very lovely and friendly folks. They bought the land in 1990, planted their first grapes in 1992 and made their first wine harvest in 1995. Their wines, for a burgeoning market in Texas, are very good. All of their wines are made only from the grapes grown on site, meaning they don't import any grapes or juice to make their wines (they are the only vineyard in Texas to be doing that). They have 17 acres of grapes, in lovely soil for the Hill Country. They dug down NINE feet before hitting bedrock. That is unbelievable for the hill country. You see, it used to be an ancient riverbed of the Colorado river, so there is still topsoil from floods, not to mention the fact that the water broke down the underneath limestone and granite. This gives their wines a softer, more vanilla type note. Sometimes it plays out in a more mineral tone.
I work there on Sundays in the wine tasting room, meaning I get to talk to people for almost six hours about wine. Also, I am learning A LOT from Ed and Madeline. They are extremely smart and know their viticulture and oenology.

Also, it must be said that we are going to start looking at moving soon...to Denison which is near Sherman which is near Oklahoma/Tx border. There is a community college there where I can get an associate's of applied science in viticulture and oenology. But there are several things we must do here first: see if we need to sell now and if so, that is a whole new set of "things to do"; visit Denison and find Chris a teaching job, and move. THe house part, obviously, is the biggest part. Do we rent it out or do we sell? Would it be worth it to wait to sell?

Those questions bug me. Got a crystal ball I can use?

Other than that, I am still working 40 hours a week on the Front End (now called Guest Services team) and Chris is working 40 hours in the Meat Department. We just bough a new bed and mattress and hopefully, my back will start feeling more like a 26 year old's back as opposed to a 36 yr old's back.

Still haven't been that committed to working out although it is getting there.

My garden is going crazy. I mean, really. The beans are climbing all over each other, the squash is going every which direction, the tomatoes I can't keep up with...I love it.

Bye!

Okay.

2007-04-21T21:35:00.000-05:00

So, I promised I would delve into the topics in the last post soon...and here I am! I try to keep up with my promises. Not always to myself, which is not good.

Anyways.

Hi. How are you?

I am tired. Last night I had the weirdest headache ever, it literally moved around my head, from behind my eyes to my temple, etc. So, we left a gathering early and I crashed at home.

I figured out my problem lately too. My problem has been lack of motivation, laziness, exhaustion, etc...I am trying to do things like losing weight, going to the gym, projects like I did when I was single. I have been thinking back to those single days and remembering how easy it seemed to be to do projects, go to the gym, etc...A little of it has something to do with the fact that I am 26 now and now 18 and 19 like those days. But, it's strange. I have to re-learn how to manage time with a husband in my life. And it's only taken me 2 1/2 years to figure out that is what I need to do! Geez, you think I would have thought about this before we got married. Ah well, at least i caught on eventually.

With this new insight, I am already starting to feel better. I can do something about it now I know what "it" is.

Tomorrow will be my second day to work at the vineyard. I am still excited, especially since I got my check in the mail. What? You mean I can learn about wine, share my passion for it AND get paid? Unbelievable. This is what it feels like to be doing what you love. I can't WAIT to be a winemaker. My hopes abound.

Okay. I am tired and Chris will be here soon to pick me up. I will write more soon! I promise!

Love,
Michelle

PS I have started a weight loss blog. Go to my profile, scroll down and you will see the link to it. It's not officially been updated yet. I think I will do it weekly instead of daily. I don't know, I am still working on the details.

Are you still there? I am here.

2007-04-19T14:42:00.000-05:00

Wow. A LOT has gone on while I haven't been blogging.

Quick update:
1. Dropped school because I was working two jobs.
2. Chris got a job working at the meat department here at whole foods.
3. Michelle quits second PT job for her sanity.
4. Lala, Michelle's grandmother, suffers from strokes. Physically she is good, but slowly her mind is going.
5. Michelle decides that she definitely wants to be a winemaker, starts making plans with Chris on how to go about doing this...including a possibility of a move.
6. Michelle lands a once a week, contract job with a well-known Texas vineyard.
7. And finally, after all this, we are fine.

I will write more, I promise, when the clock isn't ticking away on my break.

Much love to all who do read this blog, thanks for being loyal readers.
Michelle

quickie

2007-02-12T10:31:00.000-06:00

Lab is getting better, now I just need to do the write assignment before coming to lab next time.

Busy busy busy

I have this upcoming weekend off! Chris and I are driving to Garland Texas for Annika and Sheikh's wedding. But the week leading up to this fantastic event will be hard and stressful as I will be in class and work on MW and then work at Whole to work at the Spa on Tues Thur and Fri.

Friends, please don't think I have abandoned you. I am just super busy. If you ever want to see me, come to my house on Tues Thur or Fri nights around 1000pm. You might be able to catch me for an hour or so. Maybe less. But still, you can give me hugs.

I like hugs.

Ugh...

2007-02-05T10:20:00.000-06:00

I am going to write a book, entitled "How to NOT Manage your Time and Be Completely Stressed Out in the Process!" and it will have a picture of me, pulling my hair out.

I failed to do my homework in the proper amount of time, tried to get up this morning and finish some of it, but did not time to do homework, eat breakfast, brush my teeth, get my lunch ready, get dressed, pack my gym bag and drink coffee. Isn't this the future? Where is my conveyor belt?

The lab was hard this morning as I didn't really understand what we were doing (ahem, I would have had I done the homework). My chem lecture is in ten minutes and I am not even going to bother to rush through the last five problems I didn't do. At least I finished my aerobics quizzes, but I am also sick, so I don't know how working out will be today. Plus I have two meetings this evening, so I won't be home until 8pm.

Humph and whine.

But this what I signed up for and I am trying to take it all in a zen like way. AND learn how to time manage. Instead of studying, I opted for more sleep, arguing with my husband, worrying about our finances, and general staring off into space or into a computer screen. So, it's my fault I am stressed. And I shouldn't whine. But I am going to anwyays, at least for a little bit.

It'll get better. I will learn how to do the things I NEED to do instead of the things I WANT to do. Those will come naturally and guilt free if I do the necessities first.

Ramblefully yours,
Michelle

Political Kick.

2007-02-03T10:19:00.000-06:00

"Whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends (the life, liberty and pursuit of happiness ends, that is), it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it and institute new government."

Amen.

I survived my first lab.

2007-01-29T09:50:00.000-06:00

Today, I made it through my first chem lab. Granted, I am sure it will be the easiest one, but I made it through. And I made it through while only getting 6+ hours of sleep (my fault), not having any coffee this morning and having forgot to read the material beforehand (I need to learn to view my lab and my lecture as two completely different classes).

So yeah! I made it!

I got it!

2007-01-24T16:37:00.000-06:00

I got the job! Yeah! See you in May when I am not so busy!

I'm c-c-cold...

2007-01-24T10:19:00.000-06:00

I can't seem to warm up today, the chill has settled in my feet and toes and my feet are one of my main body temperature regulators. Agh.

Anyways, I got the Wine Bible I asked for! And the Oxford Companion to wine! Thanks to Noble and Karen for this fabulous, fabulous gift. I have only read two pages of the Wine Bible and already I have more knowledge than before I started. I love those kind of books. Again, thank you so much to my fabulous in-laws.

I find out today or tomorrow whether I get the part time job I interviewed for yesterday. It seems really cool and laid back which is just what I need if I am going to be working on top of my 35 hours at Whole Foods and 5 hours of school. I get spa discounts, free use of their facilities and one free meal (gourmet, healthy meals) each time I work. Cool! So, cross your fingers and do a little jig to send good luck my way.

Chris has an interview today for a part time tutoring job at a learning center here in town. Also, there might be a grocery position open at my store that he applied for last night. Again, another little jig for Chris, please.

Also, I might put up a shared daily planner online. If you would like to be on the list of people who can view this planner (ahem, Ann), then let me know and I will add you and try to keep it updated so you know where I am at all times...ummm, scary...but sometimes necessary.

Much love,
michelle

P.S.

2007-01-22T10:06:00.000-06:00

My birthday is this week. I am not asking for presents. BUT, if you are one of those types who gives presents even when I beg and plead for you not to, here are some ideas of what I want:

4 4by4s beams
enough lumber to make a small and modest chicken coop (could involve tin, 4by4s, and chicken wire)
1 or 2 cubic yards of granite gravel
1 cubic yard of garden dirt
gutters
The Wine Lover's Bible

Seriously. Those things I was planning on buying until Chris decided to look for other work. I am sure they would make lovely bday presents. BUT you don't have to get me anything. Seriously.

First day of school...

2007-01-22T09:02:00.000-06:00

After an extra week of waiting (thanks Ice Storm 2007), my classes begin today. I am taking General Chemistry and an Aerobics course.

This will be a v.v. busy semester for me indeed as I also might be getting a part time job too. We'll see if I can get a PT job that fits in with my schedule.

Here is my schedule without the PT job:
Monday- class from 8-240
home

Tuesday- work at Whole Foods (time varies)

Wednesday- class from 1035-240
work evening at Whole Foods

Thursday- same as Tuesday

Friday- same as T Th

Saturday- work at Whole Foods, usually in evening

Sunday- off

With a PT job, I might be working at Whole Foods on T TH in the mornings and the PT job those evenings. I have a lead but haven't officially interviewed yet. Keep sending us your prayers and thoughts as Chris searches for a job. We are getting to the point where anything will help, including going back to waiting tables. Sheesh.

Much love,
michelle

Snow, ice sledding, four days off in a row...

2007-01-16T16:26:00.000-06:00

So, I always have Sunday off and this week, I also had Monday off. But with the snow, ice and sleet, I got today off as well. And then tomorrow, I wasn't scheduled to work! Whoo hoo! The only downside is with Chris only being a sub now at his work, I..well, I need to be working. Overtime if I can. So, I might try to make it in tomorrow anyway just in case there are others who can't come in. We are sure to be open tomorrow with temps getting back above freezing.

I might be getting a small part time job. There is one that looks somewhat promising as a server at a spa/resort. It is only about ten hours a week and I get 10 an hour with discounts at the resort and free gym membership. But with all this weather, I have only heard back from the contact person yesterday and they are sure to be closed today.

Molly getting some ice sledding action.

Adam wipes out.

The skateboard with no wheels? Who need wheels when you got ice and inclines?

Masked and punk.

Cutest ladies eva'!

More pictures to come on my flickr site soon! http://flickr.com/photos/goldjohnson

Peace and warmth!
Michelle

Getting there...

2007-01-08T09:11:00.000-06:00

So, the closet is done! A round of applause to Chris for making it possible and also making it fabulous! I actually enjoyed putting away clothes today because it was all in one area and it looked so cool.

Am I boring you yet?

Well, I guess I'll have to "jazz" this blog up with some pictures of our closet (photos thanks to Santa, for bringing us our camera).
Main view of the closet:

My jewelry cubbie in our closet:

Shoe cubbie:

Top shelves in the closet for sweaters and linens:

Whoo hoo! Fun stuff.

Other than that, we spent the entire day yesterday doing Nothing. Yup. Nothing with a capital N. It was Chris' last holiday before going back to school and I wanted the day to be lazy and free of chores. It was. Except I am paying for it today, but that is okay. I can clean before I have to go into work.

School starts next week. I am taking Gen Chem I. For those of you who never know when the right time to call me is, here are my hours for the spring semester, starting next monday:
Monday- class from 8-1150, 1250-225
Tuesday- work at Whole Foods
Wednesday- class from 1035-1150, 1250 -2, work night at whole foods
Thursday- work at whole foods
Friday- work at whole foods
Saturday-work at whole foods
Sunday- off

All right. That's it. Have a good week all!

2007

2007-01-02T13:19:00.000-06:00

The new year is here. Farewell 2006. You were a decent year. Actually it was a pretty good year. I could look back on it and think, "Oh, I didn't shape up like I was planning to or get organized or get out of debt" but I did make new friends, bring home old friends, swim in the Atlantic Ocean and see a wild grey seal, I did finally find a therapist who helping me turn my life around, finish a class and get an A in it. And, of course, I still have my health, my wonderful husband, and home. So 2006, thanks.

We had a New Year's party. It was a dress up party and it turned out to be a small gathering, but fun, nonetheless. Here are some shots from it:

Brandy even dressed up for the occassion.

Chris and I pose for our prom picture.

If you would like to see more, I posted most of them on our flickr site (flickr.com/photos/goldjohnson).

And I have decided to make resolutions this year. I decided to stop being indecisive and DO something. I think resolutions fit in nicely with that theme:

Make decisions and DO them...ie: Get my botany degree. No more of this going back and forth between botany and nursing. I started to think about nursing because I thought it would be more practical as I can make money doing it and almost always find work anywhere....but plants and nature excite me more than the science of animals...so I should do that. Who cares? Just get my damned degree and then worrying about making money.

Get more organized, in my home and with my studies

Work on getting out of debt

Workout more

Eat smaller portions to help with the next resolution

Lose weight to be healthier and lessen my chances of heart disease, breast cancer, and diabetes (all of which run in my family)

Love more

Forgive more

Dance more (cheesy I know)

Try to care less about what people think of me.

There. I think that might be all for now.

Much love,
Michelle

An A

2006-12-07T11:55:00.000-06:00

Hello to all. My major project has been presented, reviewed and added with my grade thus far in Botany. That makes a total of four major grades (two tests, one lab notebook and one project) and we only need four out of six for our grade average. Since I have a 96 thus far, I can opt out of taking my test 3 and the final.

But I am going to take them.

Why? Because I would like a refresher, an instiller and I am a nerd. Probably most importantly I am a nerd.

Oh, and some classmates and I are forming a Botany Club for ACC with our professor. Really exciting stuff here y'all.

Before I begin...

2006-12-06T12:09:00.000-06:00

Today is my "project day" and although that sounds like all I am going to be doing is sewing, crocheting, crafting...I'm not. Actually, I am working on a project for school. But before I begin, I shall blog.

I ran into someone from the past the other day. Online via myspace. Some of the things this person says reminds me of the way I used to think. Especially about my body and self esteem. I used to be a workoutaholic. I was in really good shape, I was fit and I actually could fit into clothes I wanted to wear. But it was never good enough. I always lamented the shape I was in, demanding more of my body, emotionally and physically. Now that I am on the complete opposite side of the spectrum body shape wise (because even though I am overweight, I am still in pretty decent shape, I can at least run a mile without stopping), I am coming to terms with my body. I don't base my physical happiness on if I can fit into certain clothes. It does affect me, but it doesn't run my life. And for right now, I am going to focus of losing the weight for health reasons, not because I want to shop at regular stores. My grandpa has type 2 diabetes, my other grandpa suffered from a heart attack, I have a history of breast cancer in my family...So I am happy at the relationship with my body now.

But I feel sorry for the person i ran into, as her life is dictated by how she looks and in turn, by how much affection and attention her partner gives her. If not enough attention is given, then it must be him or her weight. What a sad way to get through each day, constantly in limbo from other people's attention. The way to be truly loved is to start by loving yourself. Everybody else will naturally step into place after that.

Now, onto the project: Corn!

Al..most...there...

2006-12-05T08:50:00.000-06:00

Project due on Thursday.
Test a week from today.
Final a week from this Thursday.

Michelle going insane.

Actually, I am handling it better than I thought. What really is getting me is not being able to do much stuff around the casa. Also, I can't work on my xmas projects as much as I would like. Luckily, this year, I already vowed to buy most of the presents. Otherwise, you probably would see me all googly-eyed, drooling and sputtering nonsense...

Much love,
michelle

Yup, I am still here.

2006-12-01T10:25:00.000-06:00

My other blog has been pulling me away from this one and I apologize for the few who check this on a semi-regular basis.

Our thanksgiving was good, spent with friends and then the weekend with Chris' family. We really enjoyed ourselves in Tyler, taking walks and seeing all the trees changing colors, getting to hang out with the family and the two little girls, who are adorable!

We put up our tree the other day. It is super cute with a paper star on top and little silver, white and clear ornaments on it. We made sure the simpson ornaments (bart on a skateboard and homer climbing a cookie while trying to eat it) were around back, so you can't really see them.

I read a great book called The Red Tent, the story of Dinah, the sister of Joseph and the daughter of Jacob. It is really good. I recommend it. Of course, it is fictional only based on the mere mention of Dinah in the bible. But it speaks of sisterhood and the culture preceding Hebrew culture.

Yay today is December! says Ginny.
Happy December everybody!

Revised xmas list

2006-11-19T22:28:00.000-06:00

Here it is, drumroll please (updated 11/19/06):

nothing, love and being with loved ones is good enough

The Wine Bible by Karen McNeil (you can get a decent used one online for 12 bucks) For michelle

Windows on the World Wine Guide by Zraly? Also around the same price as the wine Bible. for michelle

dress socks (the sock monster got some of Chris' good dress socks)

a very nice helmet for Chris (his doesn't fit him, he has a big head, you probably know this)

any vegan, vegetarian, or decent cookbook that doesn't have a lot of meat recipes. Also bread/baking cookbooks. For both of us.

a dog bed for Brandy, I think she might use it now. For brandy! Silly.

help with bike parts for Chris' bike he is rebuilding (contact me for more information)

And that is all for now, an update soon to come!

super secret xmas list for chris

2006-11-18T13:21:00.000-06:00

Ok. All of these items are what Chris wants:

For his bicycle wheels:
fixed gear hubs

spokes

27' rims (1" - 1 1'4")
tape (the kind that goes in between the rim and the wheel)
tubes
tires

Drive set for bicycle:
14 tooth sprocket (fixed gear): if hub is a flip-flop, then 14 and 15 tooth sprocket)
Lock ring
Chain

Brake-set for bicycle:
side pull brakes, short cable

Accessories:
reflector kit
lights
handle bar tape

I will be updating this more as I talk to the bike mechanic we go to and get names and brand names for all this mumbo jumbo stuff. BUT, if you really don't know what to get Chris, let me know and I can give you more names of bicycle stuff.
Chris is making his own fixed gear bike (a bike with only one gear and rides really great in the cities) and he is SUPER excited about this project. But money and time keep slowing him down and anything that would help him out in this project would be an awesome xmas present for him. Email me if you wanna know more.

Love,
michelle

Smartest girl in the room...

2006-11-16T09:35:00.000-06:00

I hate to brag, you know. People usually have to pull it out of me. (Note: sarcasm). But this time, I am going to tell everybody this: I made a 99 on my last test. Yup. You read it right. A 99. And it was the hardest test yet. And I missed three class days.

Yup, basically, you know the smartest girl in the room. Now, let's hope I don't get cocky and slack off. I won't.

Michelle

2006-11-14T08:30:00.000-06:00

Cool!

My best friend, Ginny, her brother animated this cartoon for a very cool artist named Sufjan Stevens (his first name is pronounced Sufi-yan). It will be in the Christmas song box set. Watch it, tell your friends.

Also, Hi. How is it going? I just took a huge test that I think I did okay on. I know I missed several questions, but I am trying not to freak out about. Cool.

Oy vey!

2006-11-13T18:40:00.000-06:00

Pepsi introduces new snacks, drinks at Whole Foods
11/13/2006 4:49 PM
By: Associated Press

PepsiCo is introducing new products through stores of Austin-based Whole Foods Market.

New York-based PepsiCo is targeting the type of consumer who shops at the growing natural and organic foods seller.

PepsiCo now sells a line of chips and has started market tests of a smoothie drink at certain Whole Foods locations. Neither makes any mention of PepsiCo on the labels.

The company declined to say whether other PepsiCo products were being sold through Whole Foods or whether additional ones were planned.

Grrr...

But I guess I shouldn't really be surprised. After all, Odwalla is owned by Coca-cola and Seeds of CHange is owned by like Heinz or something.

Nothing stays the same forever.

I've changed my major...

2006-11-09T11:43:00.000-06:00

So the evolution of my career building goes as follows:
Theatre
Journalism
English
Social work

And now...announcing my major-of-the-month-let's-hope-it-sticks-so-I-can-graduate...
Botany!

Yes, that's right folks. I have decided to go ahead and merge my love of all things plant-like (excluding poison ivy) and my love for wine and get my Botany degree with a horticulture and chemistry minor. After that, the plans are to get my Masters in Viticulture and Oenology, the growing, study, making (and drinking) of wine.

So, maybe in ten years, if all my wishes are granted, you may come and visit Chris and me on a vineyard...in Italy...

Wish me luck!

updated xmas list

2006-11-08T13:13:00.000-06:00

Yes, it's early. But I am about to start on making most of my gifts, so I decided I should start a list as well. Also, cash flow is a little tight this year, so we won't be able to do a lot of presents. On that note, please don't feel like you have to get us something from this list. This list is just merely a guide for your benefit. Thank you.

Here it is, drumroll please (updated 11/8/06):

nothing, love and being with loved ones is good enough

dress socks (the sock monster got some of Chris' good dress socks)

a storage building, not a big one, about 6x6 or something like that

a digital camera!! (I think my parents are working on this one)

a mexican plum tree (our tiny one died in the heat)

a very nice helmet for Chris (his doesn't fit him, he has a big head, you probably know this)

any kind of cooking pots or pans by Le Creuset (they have Outlet stores for better prices) or any kind of cast iron pots or pans in good condition.

any vegan, vegetarian, or decent cookbook that doesn't have a lot of meat recipes. Also bread/baking cookbooks.

a dog bed for Brandy, I think she might use it now

gift certificate to an Autobody shop (Chris is rebuilding a bike and needs to buy paint for it)

And that is all for now, an update soon to come!

VOTE

2006-11-07T08:16:00.000-06:00

Hey. You. Yeah, you...the one just sitting there. Get up and go vote.

Here is a link to show you where you can do it.

http://www.co.travis.tx.us/county_clerk/election/20061107/polls.asp

If you know someone who doesn't have a ride, take them along with you.

Go and vote. Now.

My name is Michelle and I approve this demand.

Looking for a few good prayers and good thoughts.

2006-10-31T08:22:00.000-06:00

I just found out that my grandmother, whom we affectionately call Lala, has cancer. Lymphnoma (sp?) cancer. But apparently, it is officially called B-cell lymphnoma and apparently very treatable with a high success rate. So my mom didn't sound too worried when she told me. But this is the same mother who didn't sound too worried when my grandfather, whom we called Papa, went into the hospital for a brain something or other and then didn't survive. I was sixteen then and maybe they didn't want me to worry, what with school and the one act play competitions going on.

But I am not sixteen anymore and although I assume my mother would tell me everything, one has to wonder, Is she just being positive? I guess there is nothing wrong with that.

Back to my Lala, I am worried for her though because she will have to go through chemo and she is already in a wheelchair due to damaged knees and feet from contracting polio as a child and a major car accident over a year ago. So, if she goes through chemo, how will she lift herself out of her chair to shower, to go to sleep, etc...

So please send Lala, on top of her hill in Wimberley Texas, your good thoughts and prayers. She is one strong woman but prayers are gladly accepted. And please send them to me too because I am a little scared.

Thanks.

Another political posting

2006-10-29T13:06:00.000-06:00

So true. So true. Thanks to Bill Amend for this great cartoon.

Michelle

Vote vote vote vote

2006-10-29T12:37:00.000-06:00

I don't care who you vote for (well maybe I do) but the main thing is to go and vote. Vote vote vote.

And here's my political bias for you:

If you can't call or don't wanna call, at least check out Moveon.org. If you don't care to do that, at least the facts about the issues. The facts. NOT just what Fox News tells you.Cause, baby, those ain't the facts.

Vote vote vote.
Michelle

Finally.

2006-10-19T08:02:00.000-05:00

Finally, I get to wear my super-cheap-but-it's-Banana-Republic-and-thus-will-last-a-long-time sweater. I love my sweater. Almost as much as my new car. Almost as much as Ginny. Almost as much as C...no, no that is not true. I do love Chris tens of thousands times more than this sweater. Finally, I get to wear it.

Today, after dropping Chris off and driving to school, the planes taking off looked funny. They looked heavy, loaded down with cargo. It could have been the weather, but sometimes they are like paper airplanes, sailing on some wind current. Today they struggled to gain altitude.

I work again tonight. Again, I will not get to spend more than 20 minutes with Chris. Again, I am dreaming of finding a way to pay our debts and running away, but the bills keep coming in and my spirits sink.

The future is uncertain. I guess that is the way it always is, even when you think you have it all planned out.

And for the love of God, I am in a library and there are maintenance men using the loudest vaccuum in the whole wide world. Jesus, Mary and Joseph. I can't think.

Ugh...the humidity...

2006-10-18T13:26:00.000-05:00

I feel like immersing myself in a cold pool and staying there all day. Instead, I have been sweating while just sitting on the couch and reading. I can't tell if it is the weather, my mood or what. I work again tonight, as a cashier. Last night at work I ran into the ex, Cal. He looked good and happy and healthy. He informed me his girlfriend of about a year and he are getting married in Vegas sometime soon. I am really happy for him. This woman seems really good for him. At the same time, I feel a little perturbed. After the emotional drama he put me through and now he gets happiness? He doesn't even know how much shit he dragged me through, I never got the chance to say so. And now he gets health and happiness?

But I only thought those thoughts for about a second. I truly am happy that he is finally grounded in life, in love, with happiness...even if his hand did linger too long on my waist when I hugged him. That, he doesn't have right to anymore.

We have internet at the house. Which is cool but yet bad all at the same time. Ginny got it installed so she could fill out more applications online, which will be good for her to be able to do from home.

Yikes, I have to get ready for work...already.

Michelle

You can't run from your problems!

2006-10-17T08:43:00.000-05:00

Chris told me this is sometimes what his Dad would jokingly shout as they passed people running on the side of the road. And now, everytime I go for a jog, I think of that and smile. Running is so weird, ya know? Yes, it is true. You can't run from your troubles. But running is almost like running right over them. It gives me a chance to think in rhythm. It is a chance for my mind and body to talk, nicely, to each other. (Usually one is screaming chocolate while the other is berating the one screaming for chocolate.)
I get a chance to sing in my head, take really deep breaths (something I forget to do during a busy day at work), be surrounded by nature (when I am not on the god-forsaken treadmill) and commune with God. I was reading an article in the latest Runner's World magazine that talked about the same thing. For most avid runners (a status I am working on), running is a part of the spiritual connection to God, Yahweh, Allah, whatever name you call the Creator, the Light. I love it. Everytime I am running, I think "How could I avoid this? How can I NOT run everyday" but it is true. There are days when I avoid running like the plague. It's the getting dressed and smashing my chest together in those awful sports bra. It's the getting the blood pumping and the legs moving when they want to be propped up and massaged (really, the girls like the attention). It's the...it's the...work of it. But then when I do it, I love it. I vow to never eat sugar again, never to sneak in that one cigarette a week, never to avoid running again. I talk to God and tell her all my worries, my hopes, my fears...

Plus, I want to lose about twenty pounds before the new year. I tell Her that too.

This holiday season is going to be crazy. I won't be making as many gifts this year as I normally do (collective cheers from family members who are tired of getting scarves for xmas presents). I will be working...a lot...and it is going to be crazy in the store...all the time. Also, we have a holiday blackout time where we can't ask off for certain days, like the day before Thanksgiving and Christmas eve. So, this year's usual holiday visits will also be different, which will be strange.

So, if you don't hear from me, it's because we lost our phone. But also because I am working. A lot.

Peace,
michelle

The joy of imperfections in relationships

2006-10-16T12:48:00.000-05:00

So, I have been a bitch the past couple of weeks towards my husband. I am getting better, in fact, almost a complete turn around was done this weekend. Mainly due to a GREAT session I had with De. Damn, that woman is amazing. She pulls stuff out of my mind I had no idea was even there.

But then I was upset with my friends and I let it show. Immediately, I felt bad about letting it out towards them. But then I realized something, a good friend's relationship is really not that much different from a spousal relationship. Obviously, there are a few glaring differences, but all relationships (especially long term) need to be constantly worked on. And if I can't show my irritation with some of my closest and dearest friends, then I would be holding out on them. Things can't be perfect, happy go lucky all the time. Plus, my irritation stemmed from not getting to see them. That should be flattering enough as it is.

My only free evening this week, tonight, is going to be spent driving to San Marcos to re-sign on the car, apparently they didn't give me the correct paperwork. So, I am going to ask them to clean the car (the rain!) and fill her up. I think I am entitled to that.

Other than that, I work every night this week and then have Sat and Sun off. And I got Chris and I on a tour of our favorite local brewery. Whoo hoo. One week from today is our 2 year anniversary. Already.

Peace,
Michelle

Days like these...

2006-10-13T13:21:00.000-05:00

I want to go for a run in the morning; make tea and breakfast and eat while reading the paper; do some chores before riding my bike to the library. Cook lunch made from produce from the Farmer's Market, drink wine on my porch in the fading and cool afternoon and hang out with Chris and some friends.

Instead, I am here at work with 4 people down (no show and call ins) plus we are getting our evaluation today and everybody in Austin wants to lunch at Whole Foods today.

It really is Friday the 13th isn't it?

Untitled

2006-10-12T16:27:00.000-05:00

Untitled plates. Untitled blog posting. Untitled feelings.

I feel like I have been run over by a semi. I had a very, very...nay, extremely, challenging session with De today. There was a lot of insight and there is a lot of hard work, patience, and love I need to work on. There are some major issues that are occurring around me right now that try my patience, especially since I am maturing and "growing up" so much.

But it explains a lot. It explains why I have been so snippy and anti-social towards my loved ones, dreaming those crazy dreams, and why I don't feel sad, happy or anything in between.

Untitled.

Whew!

2006-10-10T09:55:00.000-05:00

Hey! Guess what? I made a 93.9 on my first Botany test! Whoo hoo! I am pretty sure that Dr. Bostic will round it up to a 94. I really wanted a higher score, but I got mixed up on the darned nucleus and nucleolus. And that meant I missed four questions right off the bat. Ah well. Then I made two silly mistakes that I will have to remember to look for on the next test.

Also, we bought our car this weekend. I didn't really mention it that much because I didn't want to jinx it. But it is official. We own a 2006 Scion xA.

The one we own is a charcoal color. It comes standard with power locks and windows. A/C, Pioneer radio and sound system as well as iPod ready with CD. Ours came with an arm rest and keyless entry. Also, it is a manual.

And it is itty bitty. I love it.

So...off to class now. Lecture time.

What was yesterday about?

2006-10-05T16:35:00.000-05:00

Who knows? I tried to read my post from yesterday, got lost, didn't ask for directions and got frustrated. I can only imagine what you were thinking when you read it. My apologies.

I took my first Botany test today. I know I missed 5 questions. 4 of them just needed a switch. 1 of them the prof never covered and I might think we can get him to throw out.

I ran into a community member today. She is in trouble and needs help and wasn't afraid to ask for it. I hesitated. Why? Because she has the courage to ask for it or the gall to ask for it? We still will help but I feel like an ass now.

I have been daydreaming about moving to a small town. Not small, small. Something about Waco's size or San Marcos. Actually, I have been daydreaming about moving to San Marcos. I don't know. I am a little tired of city life. Granted, I am not in a huge city. It is only Austin. But it is more expensive, there is more to do and distract, and communities do tend to get stretched before they either snap and divide.

I feel like writing in short, blunt sentences today.

I took a nap in our bedroom without the window unit on and had a crazy nap dream. I was five, ten and twenty all at once and at my parent's house in Wimberley where they had had another baby, there was a crazy neighbor who owned the land next to us putting in a pool right next to our property line and we swam when they weren't looking. I got to hold the baby and it was precious.

I miss my friends, who are all just as busy as I am.

I miss things being simple. I don't know if a smaller town would provide that or not. And if we did decide to move (nothing is happening now) then our house is nowhere near sellable yet. We need a new roof, new siding, new trim, a central a/c, new windows, to finish the flooring, yadayadayada...

Oh boy, here we go again. Another nonsensical post. Argh! I. Can't. Stop.

michelle

Is there something in the air today?

2006-10-04T15:59:00.000-05:00

I feel a little out of sorts. A little numb, tired, and snappy. But I am not in a bad mood. Maybe it is just stress. Stress that I have layered on myself as if I were wrapping myself up for a good storm. The only problem is, stress doesn't protect us from the cold winds.

I really don't know which is worse to have: stress, grief, anger, ignorance. When I am not one, I want to be other. Right now, I long to have grief so at least I have a good reason to break down and cry. Instead I feel a tightly wound ball inside my chest, ready to spring at the most irrational and inconvenient time.
I want to drink.
I want to eat.
I want to laugh.
I want to cry.
All at the same time.

I also want to run far, far away from obligations and community. I remember when I didn't really have obligations or community when I first lived in Waco. My first long term boyfriend had just moved away and I hadn't bothered to make a lot of friends because I spent all my time with him. So when he left, I busied myself with studying, working out, reading, cooking, etc...and it was great. No friends to console, entertain. No dog to go home and feed. No major bills to pay except utilities. I had a cute little apartment I called home and I was fine. Until I got lonely that is. And that is where community comes into my life.
I do need community. But community is expensive, time and money wise. To spend time with people means going out to eat, buying a six pack or wine, taking time out of your evening you had planned on spending with just yourself.

I love my community. But sometimes I do wish we could run away and focus on the major issues that are causing me stress right now: debt, school, life.
I want life to be simple. I want to get off from work, go home and cook dinner with my husband and workout around the same time everyday. I don't want to rush to school, rush to work, rush to workout, rush rushrushrushrush

But it doesn't get any easier does it? And having a kid in the 3-5 year future definitely won't make things any easier.

When does it slow down? Does it ever? Or those days I used to read on the hammock after school over? What has happened to the time?

Does this realization of time and aging happen to everyone? Was/is it depressing to you as it is to me?

I need my community now. Damn the price!

She said I could.

2006-10-03T09:00:00.000-05:00

I can have a hissy fit if I want to. As long as I keep getting shit done, ie: going to the gym, studying, working and enjoying it. As long as I am doing good things, then I can have a hissy fit about my house, my stress, and whatever the hell else I want.

Stress defined: trying to buy a new car. LE sigh.